The Godfather Can't Make the Baptism

Hello?

It’s the godfather

The Don

Hello?

Hello

Listen

I can’t make it to the baptism

I had something come up

Last minute

You know how it is

I’d still love to be the godfather

But, you know,

I’m the godfather

So--

Well as it turns out

There was a, uh,

Rat in my--basement

And, uh, I don’t like rats

As you may have heard

So I have to deal with the, uh, rat

And it’s not something you, you know,

Put off to the last--yeah

Do you think you could do

A make-up baptism?

I can call the church

Father, he owes me

A few favors

Or you could come by later

After I’m done dealing with the, uh, rat

We fill up the tub

Priest comes by

Dunk the baby

Have some coffee

Good to go

Sure, sure

Another day is fine

I feel so bad about this

I can’t even tell you

My heart

It’s breaking

Next Sunday?

No, I got two other baptisms

Next Sunday

Otherwise you could come over

We could have coffee

Some pastry

A few bowls of bucatini

Three the week after that

And the week after that

I’m becoming godfather

To all the babies born

In upstate New York

In the past month

For some reason

Everybody wants the godfather

As their godfather

I’m very honored by that, of course

But I haven’t had a Sunday afternoon to myself

In quite some time

Any chance you could baptize the baby

On a Tuesday?

Nice Tuesday morning baptism

Like we used to do it

In the old country

Oh sure, we were always baptizing babies

On weekdays

Back in Italy

The godfather there--Don Manzano

He never worked weekends

You needed somebody beaten up

For looking at your wife the wrong way

On a Friday night

You had to wait until Monday

That’s just how it was

Well, if you can do it on a Tuesday

I would certainly--

Oh, you know what?

I’m going to court on Tuesday

Never mind

No Tuesday

How about Wednesday?

No, the case is getting thrown out

They’re not going to be able

To find any of the witnesses

That’s what I’m guessing

Is going to happen

There’s no way to be sure

But if I had to guess

So let’s say Wednesday

I’ll call the priest

You’ll come over after

We’ll have some coffee

It’ll be nice

I really appreciate you all

Being so flexible

And you know

When the godfather appreciates you

You’re in a good way

Oh, the rat will be gone today

I can take care of that

In an hour or two

That’s no sweat on my brow

I just wish sometimes

I had a day or two

To myself, you know?

Just to have someone else

Be the godfather for a day

If I could call in

That kind of a favor

Believe you me

I’d call it