Be the Party You Want to Go To

I have a theory

I have a theory
About parties

Tap someone on the shoulder
At a party
And ask them
Where they want to be

I have a theory
That most of the time
They will answer you
With the following--

At home
At another party
At a resort in the Bahamas
At a pizza parlor in New York
At Tim's house

At my nephew's christening
At my sister's wedding
At my friend's funeral
At anyone's funeral

At a hoedown
At a rodeo
At a barn raising

At a shopping mall
At a boutique
At a salon

The dentist's office
The deli
The dessert

Anywhere
Anywhere at all
But not here

I have a theory
I have a theory about parties
And the people who go to parties
And how to enjoy parties more
And here it is

Here's my theory

Be the party you want to go to

If you want to have fun
Be fun, doesn't that sound simple?
And yet, complicated
Because so often
Those around you
Who think they want to have fun
Are doing everything they can
To prevent fun from occurring

Here's my suggestion

Burst out into song
But not just any song
This isn't merely a hint
That life should be a musical
Because that's been suggested before
And let's face it
Singing out loud
For no reason at all
Can get you thrown out and banned
From most civilized places

Unless you pick the right song...

I suggest
REO Speedwagon's
'Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore'

It's sing-able
Especially in a sing-a-long
And though people might try to exile you
From the room
From the hall
From the backyard
Where the party is taking place

Soon they'll find themselves
Singing right along with you
Not being able to help themselves

'And if I had to crawl up on the floor'
'Come crashing through the door'
'Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore'

Or maybe it's 'crawl up on the door'
Or 'come crashing like a whore'
Or 'crawl up on a whore'

Who knows?
That's what makes it fun

I suggest starting a food fight
With soft food, so nobody gets hurt
A nice soft food fight

Throw sherbet
Sherbet is useless anyway
Somebody should throw it
That should be
What it's for

Throw cottage cheese
It'll be disgusting afterwards
But in the moment
It'll feel fantastic

Throw bacon bits
They're a bit hard
For a soft food fight
But who doesn't love bacon?

I suggest bringing an unusual animal
With you to the party

It doesn't have to be an exotic animal
You might be tempted to take a koala
But koalas can be mean-spirited
And they might eat the bacon bits
So then you can't have a food fight

Take a funny looking dog named Herbert
Or just a regular dog named Herbert
The name will sell the rest

Take a guinea pig
Take a hairless cat
Take a parakeet in a tiny cage
Then set it free

I suggest showing up in a costume
Not if it IS a costume party
But especially if it's NOT a costume party
Because most people want to go to costume parties
But not enough people throw them

Be the party you want to go to
Go to the party
In a costume

Then everyone will scramble
To make their own makeshift costume
Out of whatever happens
To be around

Someone will pick up a chair
And go as a ski-lift
Someone will pick up a child
And go as a high chair
Someone will walk around with a pie
Saying 'Hey Y'all'
And nobody will know
Who they're supposed to be

AND THAT'S THE FUN OF IT!

I suggest having fun
Remember when we all
Used to have fun?

Wasn't it nicer then?
When we were
Where we wanted to be
Because we made wherever we were
Be where we wanted to be?

Remember?

I say be the party you want to go to
I say love the one you're with
I say eat the bacon bits
Off your wife's face

You'll be amazed how easy it is to do
Once you try it