I Ran Into Myself

-- This would, I suppose, be the comedic version of "If I Don't Change Myself." --

"I Ran Into Myself"

I ran into myself today

Did I tell you?

I looked away

Well, this was five years ago

Do you remember me five years ago?

The Dominic years?

Oh God

I wanted to shoot myself

But instead I bought myself coffee

I cried and I cried

It was really pathetic

I just wanted to slap myself

Because I won't leave him

I won't leave him for another two months

And I'm going to be miserable in the meantime

I'm going to drive away Ned

Do you remember Ned?

God, he was wonderful

One of my best friends

And now he won't speak to me

Because of Dominic

And the months of misery

I talked all about my job

The one I had five years ago

The filing

The endless filing job from hell

With the woman

What was her name?

I told myself

But now I can't remember

Do you remember?

I can't remember

She was the one with the nails

The lonnnng nails

I called her Freddy Krueger

But that wasn't her name

It doesn't really matter

But stuff like that bugs me

Anyway

I'm not going to quit that job

Because I'll tell myself

I'm telling myself

I was telling myself

Over coffee

That I need a nest egg

And I'll sort of have one

For about five seconds

Until my car goes

Then there goes the nest egg

But I couldn't tell myself that

Because I was so fixated

On my plan

Oh God

Remember how I used to talk

About that plan

That ridiculous plan

I even had it written down

On Post-It notes

I used to fill up notebooks

With my plans

Plans everywhere

I had an apartment full of plans

Until I was evicted

Because I couldn't pay rent

Because of the nest egg depletion

Due to the car

That I couldn't give up

So

Basically

I got evicted

From my plans

It's funny now

But it wasn't funny then

I told myself

Over coffee

That it would be funny

But how do you convince someone

Whose crying

That what they're crying about

Is actually really funny?

I mean, how do you do that?

I ran into myself

And nearly knocked myself over

Part of me wishes I had

Because that's really what I needed

I needed to be knocked down

So that I could get back up

So that I could see that it was possible

To get up

And just feel that perseverance

That I won't know about

Until Dominic leaves

And the misery ends

Until then all I could do

Was buy myself coffee

And listen to myself cry

Admire how handsome I was

When I was fraught with worry

And determined to kill myself

I'm not as handsome anymore

But God it's good to be here

I just sat across from myself

And thought--

God

I'm glad I'm not there anymore