On Bullying

-- This is the uncle from "That Which Does Not Kill Us" giving the little nephew advice on bullying. --

"On Bullying"

Here's what I have to say

About what to do

When you're being bullied

Some would tell you

That fighting back is appropriate

I agree

But little nephew

If you're like me

Then fighting back

Will not only stop the bullying

It will give the bullies more material

When your uncle fought back

It was a little like watching a chicken

Running away from a farmer

With a cleaver in his hand

You knew who was going to win

And who was going to wind up in soup

So what do you do?

Here's my suggestion

It's called...

The Machiavellian Approach

I don't know

If it's actually Machiavellian

But it sounds good

Doesn't it?

When you're being bullied

Tell the bully

That you're dying

Say 'Hey, must be real funny picking on a DYING kid'

If he doesn't believe you

Cough and clutch your arm

Then fall to the ground

And spit a lot

When he runs away

Get up

Dust yourself off

And smile

You've won