Raffaela on the Couch

Can you do me a favor?
Can you put some raspberries in a bowl
Pour whipped cream on them
And then feed them to me?
I'm so depleted

I really am
I'm exhausted
Rog, I'm dying
I'm dying inside
This job
It's...ugh
Kill me

Can you do me a favor?
Did you tape ATWT for me?
Did you?
Did you remember to?
Tell me you did
Thank God
I'd die
I'd die if you didn't
I've been craving my ATWT
Alllllllll dayyyyyyy
Ri-dick how much I love it
Ri-dick, Rog

I'm not getting off this couch
I'm getting my dress wrinkled
But that's okay
I shouldn't have worn it to work
Those fuckers don't deserve it
They don't deserve to see me look so good
The twins eye-fucked me today
Does that make you jealous?
As my male roommate who desires me
Does that irk you in any way?

Rog, don't be mad
Is that why you're in the kitchen?
Are you mad?
Is that it?
The raspberries?
Oh, right
Those
So that's why you're in there?
Not because you're fuming
Because I so wouldn't fuck the twins
I flirt with them because it gives me stuff to do
While I'm work
But I wouldn't really do stuff with them
I just like that they're twins
And that they both want me

One of them
I don't know which
Got me in the copy room
And was so awkward
Told some stupid joke
It was weird
I giggled or something
And then ran out

Thank God for this couch
It's so comforting
I love that you put a patch on it
Like it was damaged
Even though it wasn't
It makes it look so homey

Rog, are you going out with that girl again?
I disapprove of that relationship
And you shouldn't be dating girls
When you lust after another
You'll break her heart
When you finally push hard enough
And I give into your advances

Don't put the raspberries in the blue bowl
They look weird in that bowl
Put them in the red bowl
Then everything will be red
Except for my dress
Which is green
Green and red are okay though
Like Christmas
Which is lovely

Everyone on ATWT is gorgeous
Have you noticed that?
Do you watch while you're taping?
You should
Then we'd have something to talk about
When I come home from work

That's the reason we don't talk
Because we have nothing to speak of
So we need convo topics
I made a list at work the other day
A list of things we could discuss
When I come home from Hell everyday
But I lost the list
It had some quality stuff on it though
I'm amazing at making lists
I wish you could do that for a living

Guess who else eye-fucked me today?
That lesbian girl who serves me coffee
She gave it to me good
Let me tell you
I walked away with a limp
After that little exchange
I shouldn't lead her on
But I sort of do
I imply that I like women
By mentioning ex-girlfriends
And not specifying that they were just friends

But I get free coffee out of it
And I'm really hard up for cash
Because somebody is behind on their rent
Not to guilt-trip or anything
Just mentally Post-It note that, okay?
Because I really can't afford any budgetary lapses
On the part of anyone in my life
This dress costs sooooooo much
But it was totes worth it
Because of all the eye-fucking
Which leads to the free coffee
And the self-esteem boosts

Why aren't you back from the kitchen yet?
Did you go out the window again
Why do you do that so often?
Why not just leave through the front door?
It's impolite to leave
Before giving your roommate
Who you secretly love
A kiss good-bye

Did you know that, Rog?
And what about the--
Yeah, you're not there

Oh well

I'm not getting up
So it's going to be cold in here
When you get home
From your little fuckfest of a date
And that'll be your fault
Because I said I wasn't getting up
And you left the window open
And if I freeze to death
It'll totally be on your head

And you don't deal well with guilt
That I know for a fact, stud
That I know
For a fact