What We Believe

(A bedroom.  NAOMI is packing.  TARA watches.)

NAOMI:  You know, you could use a little urgency.

TARA:  We should wait for Dad and Connor.

NAOMI:  I’m leaving a note.

TARA:  A note?  Mom, we’re leaving town.  A note?

NAOMI:  He knows we’re going.  He wanted us to get a head start.  He’s at the town hall getting everybody ready.

TARA:  Ready to what?  Die?

NAOMI:  Please don’t say ‘Die.’  Please?

TARA:  I’m sorry.

NAOMI:  Get your suitcase.

TARA:  Mom, am I being difficult when I say I don’t want to leave Dad and Connor here while we head wherever it is we’re going?

NAOMI:  Tara—

TARA:  Not that I’m not looking forward to Mexico, but—

NAOMI:  We’re not going to Mexico.

TARA:  But didn’t Dad say—

NAOMI:  Dad said ‘Mexico,’ but he meant somewhere else, and where he meant isn’t where we’re going either, and it’s very, very complicated, so I need you to just trust me now, all right?

TARA:  Oh, none of that is going to fly.  What’s going on?

(A second.  It’ll be quicker if she just tells her.  Wait a few more seconds, then--)

NAOMI:  Daddy wants you, me, and Connor to go to this…place.  In Maine.  It’s sort of like a retreat.  A religious retreat.

TARA:  Like where I went before I made my confirmation?

NAOMI:  No.  That was a Christian retreat.  This is a—This is not a Christian retreat.

TARA:  So what is it?

NAOMI:  It’s a place where, uh—Apparently, your father believes this comet is a sign.

TARA:  A sign of what?

NAOMI:  That the, uh, end is coming.

TARA:  Well, yeah, if it collides with Earth.

NAOMI:  Not just the end, but the—END end.

TARA:  I don’t get it.

NAOMI:  The Biblical end.  But—different, uh, more, God this is hard.

TARA:  Mom, spit it out—

NAOMI:  He thinks there are going to be dragons.

(A beat.)

TARA:  Dragons?

NAOMI:  Yes.  Dragons.  Coming out of the ground and breathing fire on people.

TARA:  Dragons?

NAOMI:  Yes.

TARA:  Killing everyone after the comet hits?

NAOMI:  Right.

TARA:  Because the comet won’t kill anyone?

NAOMI:  Well, it will, but your father thinks that’ll just be the beginning.

TARA:  Dragons?

NAOMI:  Yes, Tara!  Dragons!

TARA:  And is that what—you believe?

NAOMI:  Of course not!  You weren’t confirmed on a whim.  My faith is real.  Your father…

TARA:  Daddy’s Catholic too.

NAOMI:  No, he is actually Catholic on a whim.  He just goes to church because he knows it means a lot to me.  But secretly, for a long time, he’s held this belief—

TARA:  --In dragons?

NAOMI:  Can we not say ‘dragons’ anymore?

TARA:  We can not say a lot of things, including ‘dies,’ but if we’re going to keep going on this, we’re going to have to talk about the dragons.

NAOMI:  He believes dragons live in the earth.  Deep in the earth.  In the core of the earth.  Apparently, part of that—belief—is believing that if a comet struck and cracked open the earth deep enough, the dragons would fly out andohmygodicantevenbelieveimsayingthisaboutsomebodyimmarriedto.

TARA:  Did you know this when you married him?

NAOMI:  Of course I didn’t!  I mean, I knew he loved Star Wars and Star Trek—

TARA:  No dragons in either of those!  I think—I don’t know!

NAOMI:  He told me one night when I was pregnant with you.  Like it was nothing.  Oh, by the way, I believe in dragons.  I could have killed him.  But the thing is, him believing in dragons didn’t really matter.  It meant that a comet couldn’t hit the world and that once a year he had to go to this religious retreat with other men who believe what he believes.  That’s why Connor went last year.  Your Dad said he ‘came of age.’  I didn’t want him to go, but what could I do?

TARA:  Why didn’t I go?

NAOMI:  They believe that girls aren’t suitable dragon-fighters.

TARA:  Okay, well now, on top of being freaked out, I’m also really offended.

NAOMI:  So was I.  I’m a champion archer.  He thinks I couldn’t kill a dragon?

TARA:  MOM, LISTEN TO YOURSELF!

NAOMI:  We’re not going to that retreat.  The only reason he wants us to go is so we can stay in the Female bunkers and pray to the gods of whoever the gods of dragon-hunting are.  I refuse to do that.  We’re going to head west, maybe hit up the Grand Canyon, and make it up as we go along.

TARA:  And abandon Dad?

NAOMI:  We’ll call him if the world doesn’t end.  Because if the world doesn’t end, that means the dragons can’t come out, and your father can go back to sitting on the couch not believing in anything.

TARA:  But what if it does end?  You don’t want to be with your husband and your son when everything goes to hell?

NAOMI:  Tara, I would love that, but unfortunately, my husband and my son have been replaced by people who think Game of Thrones is reality television.

TARA:  We can’t just leave them here.  We have to make them come with us.

NAOMI:  You think I didn’t try?  They’ve been brainwashed.  They won’t listen to logic, and no amount of evidence will persuade them.  It’s like trying to reason with people who think Phillip Seymour Hoffman is a good actor.

TARA:  Capote was actually—never mind.  Mom, we’re not running from this.

NAOMI:  Well, if we stay here, your father and your brother—

TARA:  I’m not suggesting we stay here.  I say we go to the retreat.

NAOMI:  Tara!

TARA:  Go there and organize the women.

NAOMI:  Organize?

TARA:  There’s a female section, right?  All those women must be just as bewildered as we are.  As long as most of them are, I bet we can stage a coup.

NAOMI:  Listen to yourself!

TARA:  Look, as far as we know, the Dragon Men aren’t violent, right?

NAOMI:  I don’t know.  I don’t think so.

TARA:  Great.  So we’ll overpower them.  We’ll tie them to chairs and wait until the world doesn’t end, then untie them.   If not, they’ll die in chairs, and we’ll have a nice retreat in—Where is this place?

NAOMI:  Maine.

TARA:  Maine.  Great.  Is there a lake?

NAOMI:  I think so?

TARA:  Of course, there’s a lake.  It’s Maine.  If it weren’t for lakes, nobody would even be there.  We’ll have a nice time by the lake while the men sit and think about their dragons.  They probably won’t even put up a fight since if the world does end and there are dragons, we’ll have to untie them since they’ll be the only people prepared to deal with it.  So you see?  Plan in place.  Let’s get going.  We can use the head start to mobilize the girls.

NAOMI:  Tara, you sound insane.

TARA:  Do I?  Huh.  I guess I do.  It must run in the family.

(She exits.  NAOMI takes a deep breath.)

NAOMI:  I guess this is going to be our summer vacation.