A Little Lamb

We’re never going

To hear the end of it

Vicky picks up a lamb
And the damn thing

Falls asleep on her

And now she thinks

She’s Amy Adams

I could kill

Whoever sent that video

Into the local news

How the hell

Does the local news

Spend ten minutes

On a video

Of a girl

Holding a sleeping lamb?

Aren’t there wars anymore?

Isn’t there famine?

Aren’t there better things

To talk about?

Oh, she is out of control now

Soon as someone came up to her

At the Denny’s

And said they saw her

And ‘Oh, you’re a celebrity, huh?’

And I know they think

They’re saying it

Just to be funny

But what they don’t realize is

She actually believes it

And it’s easy for them

They make their little comment

Make her smile

And then they go on with their lives

But we’re never

Going to hear

The end of it

She’s going to talk

About that damn lamb

From now

Until kingdom come

You know she’s saying
Maybe she’ll get an agent

An agent

Because a lamb fell asleep on her

She was wearing a wool sweater

The damn thing probably thought

Vicky was its mother

You know, just being on the news

Doesn’t make you a celebrity

Celebrities are folks

Who actually do things

Act in movies

Or sing songs

Or murder people

Not hometown girls

Holding sleeping lambs

Hell, if that’s all it takes

To be a celebrity

I’ll go down to Holworth’s Farm right now

And take a nap in the pigpen

Oh, she’s already

Changed all her profile pictures

To her with the lamb

She’s already posted

All the links

To all the stories

She’s done every interview

They asked her to do

And she’s already talking about how

Next year

She’s going to go do another video with the lamb

To celebrate the anniversary of the clip going viral

An anniversary of a virus

Have you ever heard of such a thing?

If I had known how this was all going to blow up

I would have grabbed that damn thing out of her arms

And put it right back in the pen it came from

Because this is all too much for me

All I want to do is sit in a Denny’s

On a Sunday morning

And enjoy my English muffin

And instead

I’m getting people coming up to the booth like--

I have to ask you something

Why is everybody

So easily impressed these days?

It is not 1944

You can get somebody

From New Kids on the Block

To send you a birthday message

For ten dollars

And people are going nuts

Over my daughter

Holding a lamb?

Everybody needs to get a grip

That’s all I can say about it

Everybody needs

To just get

A

Grip

And I’ll tell you something--

That’ll be the last farm animal she ever holds

As long as I’m alive

That’ll be the last time

My daughter does anything

Worth talking about