Never Any Trouble

Oh, the kids?

They’re never any trouble

Well, they did burn

Part of the house

Oh, it’s fine

It’s fine, Justine

It’s not the nice part

It’s the old part

The one I was looking

To renovate anyway

So there’s really no harm done

Kids will be kids

And kids burn stuff down

It’s just what they do

Your brother burned down

Three post offices

Before the age of twelve

And now he’s a deacon

So you see

Everything turns out

Just the way it should

I don’t know why you’re so upset

Nobody was in the house when it burnt down

And I had just let the dog out

So really

I didn’t even break a sweat

When I saw the smoke

Coming out of the windows

I just went over to Lorraine’s house

And called the fire department

You know, that new firefight is single, Justine

And I told him how you’re new divorced

Well, I tried to tell him

He was a little busy

What with the fire and all

But once it got put out

I made sure to get his number

And I said you’d give him a call

When you got home tonight

The kids just loved

Playing on his truck

And goofing around with the hose

And stealing the truck

And driving it to the other part of town
With the sirens on

Oh, Justine, it wasn’t a big deal

Kids steal fire trucks all the time

Why, your sister Connie

Stole six or seven cars and trucks

Before she even got to junior high

And now she’s a superintendent

So you see

Everything works out

It works out just fine

And the kids really aren’t any trouble

Once the police found the firetruck

They just laughed and laughed

Well, I was laughing

So it seemed like everybody was laughing

Because, you know,

That’s just the way I view the world

One person laughs

And the world laughs with ‘em

Then when we realized

The kids had set a couple of animals

Free from the zoo

Earlier that day

Oh boy, I really went over the edge

With laughter, you understand

Not with anger

Never with anger

Kids are kids

And they’re never any trouble

You know, I used to get all worked up

About all the stuff

You and your brother and sister did

When you were kids

But now you’re out of the house

And it’s so quiet

And I just wish

I had a little bit of excitement

Back in my life

I know it might just be

Grass is greener

But I gotta say

Having little ones

Running around again

Causing all sorts of--adventures to happen

Really puts a smile on my face

They might drive you crazy, Justine

But you’ll miss the crazy

When all you’ve got

Is the quiet

Trust me on that

No, like I said

They’re not any trouble

I can promise you that

Not any

Not any at all