Baby One More Time

I don’t know what it was

But the first time I heard it

I was like--

Oh yeah

This is it

This is my thing

And I had never really

Been into any particular kind of music

Before that

I mean, I listened to music

But I wasn’t very into, like,

My band or singer or another

But then the first part of that song

Started to play

And right off the bat I was like--

She found me

Britney found me

And I don’t expect anybody

To understand it

Even I don’t understand it

But, like, I just know

In my heart

That everything good in my life

Is the direct result

Of me hearing

‘Baby One More Time’

You know, I took an art history course

When I was in college

Because I thought maybe

That was something I would like

And it turns out I did

And then art history became my major

And everybody was like--

You’ll never make any money doing that

Because art history is, like,

The major you name

When you want to give an example

Of a worthless degree, right?

Except I make boatloads

Of fucking money

So suck on that, assholes

But I was in art history class

And the professor was talking about

Stendhal’s syndrome

And right away

I knew that’s what happened

When I heard that song

For the first time

Dizziness

Rapid heartbeat

Hallucinations

An intense reaction

To a piece of art

That was me

That was me with that song

Britney Jean Spears reached into me

And adjusted

Who I was

Set me on a course

A path

That I, otherwise,

Would not have been on

Because all of a sudden

It was like--

Like I had been this shy

Quiet girl

From Louisville

Who thought, like,

Of the world in a certain way

And then I heard ‘Oh baby, baby’

And it was like--

Bitch, it can be

Any

Way

You want it to be

Your life

Your love life

Where you go to school

Who you’re friends with

Anything

Here’s a girl

Singing to a boy

Being like--

Bring it

You know what I mean?

Like not--

Aw, take me to the dance

Like--

Fuck me up, Fuqboi

And that was like--

Wow

That blew my mind

Just knocked me out

Knocked me for a loop

It’s like--

Here’s this teenage girl

The first one
I can ever remember

Looking at the world

Not just a boy, really

It was about so much more

Than just a boy

Looking at the world

And saying--

Hand it over

I just don’t know

How anybody was the same

After that