Friday, April 5, 2019

Robocalls for Jesus

Hi, I’m calling for Jesus
Wondering if you did anything
Nice today

Yes?
No?

Yes, that Jesus

Would you consider supporting in the--

Hello?

Hello?

Hello, I’m calling for Jesus
And we’re asking you
To be soldiers
In the army of--

Hello?

Hello?

Hi, I’m calling for Jesus
Jesus Christ
That Jesus
Yes, that Jesus
How are you today?

Oh

Oh no

No

Not that Jesus

No, another Jesus
But a Jesus
Like the Jesus
You’re thinking of

A Jesus you can love
A Jesus you can support
A Jesus you can take home to Mom
A Jesus you--

Hello?

Hello?

Hello, I’m calling for Jesus
On behalf of Jesus
In lieu of Jesus
Representing Jesus
Jesus me
You you
You
I’m calling you
I’m calling you
Not as Jesus
But for Jesus
With Jesus

Hello?

Hello?

Hi, this is Jesus
How are you today?

Yes, I’m Jesus
Son of God
Savior
Wipe your sins clean
And how are--

Hello?

Hello?

Hello, this is--

Hello?

Hello, this is a call
From Jesus
Asking if you’ve paid
Your student loans

If you need a friend
If you need an answer
If you need to know
What’s going on

No, you don’t need
A credit card
Unless you’d like to--

Hello?

Hello?

Hello, I’m calling to see
If you’ve found Jesus
And if you have
Can you send him
Back to us

We have some questions
About how to work the phones
And whether or not
These new templates
Should be approved
And can he make us human
Like the Blue Fairy did
With Pinocchio?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello, we’re calling
We’re calling
We’re calling out
We’re calling out sick
We’re calling out to you
To the wild
To the wild wild wilderness
To see
To see
To see if anybody’s
Listening

Hello?

Hello?

Are you there?
Are you?
Is Jesus?

Hello?

Can he--
Can he--

Hello?

Hello

This is a robocall
Hello
This is a robocall
Hello
This is a--

This is a--

Hello?

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