Something to Believe In

    (This scene takes place in a cinematic Universe.  A living room.)

LOUISE:  ...and thank goodness Flying Man showed up at that moment, or we all would have been toast.

DANIELLE:  Was Aquatic Girl with him?

LOUISE:  No, but Masked Vigilante was.

DANIELLE:  Wow.

LOUISE:  And they all fought the aliens together while riding unicorns.

DANIELLE:  That’s incredible.  That’s just--

LOUISE:  So it appears the Universe is safe again.

DANIELLE:  For now.

LOUISE:  Right, yes.  For now, at least.  So--what did you want to tell me?

DANIELLE:  Well, it’s about the house.

LOUISE:  Yes! Your new house.  All moved in?

DANIELLE:  Yup. Unpacked, kids have their own rooms--

LOUISE:  Isn’t that wonderful?

DANIELLE:  The thing is--

LOUISE:  Yes?

DANIELLE:  I think I may have seen a ghost.

    (A beat.)

LOUISE:  What?

DANIELLE:  The other day.  I was downstairs doing laundry and I think I saw a ghost.

LOUISE:  Oh. Well.

DANIELLE:  I said, ‘Let me talk to Louise about it.’  So I’m here.

LOUISE:  Danielle.

DANIELLE:  Yes?

LOUISE:  Sweetie--ghosts aren’t real.

DANIELLE:  Uh...I mean…

LOUISE:  I’m just saying--I don’t believe in ghosts.

DANIELLE:  Louise, you just saw a bunch of costumed superheroes fighting aliens in the middle of downtown.

LOUISE:  And?

DANIELLE:  And you think believing in ghosts is a step too far?

LOUISE:  It’s just that I’ve never seen a ghost.

DANIELLE:  I have.

LOUISE:  You think you have.

DANIELLE:  I’m not crazy, Louise.

LOUISE:  I’m not saying you are.  I’m just saying maybe your mind was playing tricks on you.

DANIELLE:  Because that’s the only way I could have seen a ghost?

LOUISE:  Well....

DANIELLE:  Louise, you saw a man flying through the air.

LOUISE:  That’s what he does.  He’s Flying Man.

DANIELLE:  And you don’t think that was a trick of the mind?

LOUISE:  Lots of things fly, Danielle.  Planes. Birds. Chickens.

DANIELLE:  Chickens don’t fly.

LOUISE:  There’s no need to get personal, Danielle.  My aunt was a chicken.

DANIELLE:  Right, because as of last month, certain people just mutated into chickens and we all just accept it.

LOUISE:  Well, what else can we do?  It’s not somebody’s fault if they were near the toxic waste spill next to the poultry plant.

DANIELLE:  What I’m saying is, why are we agreeing that human-chicken hybrids are a thing, but you’re still on the fence about ghosts.

LOUISE:  It just seems so far-fetched, Danielle.  Life after death? It’s a lot to wrap a head around.

DANIELLE:  What about Ghost Girl?

LOUISE:  She’s not really a ghost.  That’s just her costume.

DANIELLE:  I saw something.

LOUISE:  Danielle, we can’t just go believing everything everybody says when we’re talking about what might or might not exist--otherwise there’d be chaos.

DANIELLE:  There already is chaos.  Twins dressed as unicorns were fighting aliens in the streets of a major city.

LOUISE:  And I was there.

DANIELLE:  I know you were.

LOUISE:  And I saw everything.

DANIELLE:  I know you did.

LOUISE:  And I realize that probably makes you a little...jealous.

DANIELLE:  What?

LOUISE:  That I got to experience this incredible moment in human history.

DANIELLE:  You could have died.

LOUISE:  And had I died that would have been it for me.  I would not have come back as a ghost. Because ghosts aren’t real.

DANIELLE:  You can’t prove that.

LOUISE:  I can’t prove Santa Claus doesn’t exist, but we all know he doesn’t.

DANIELLE:  Do we know that?  Because there’s a supervillain named Saint Nick who lives in the North Pole and I think he might be--

LOUISE:  The point is we may be accepting a...broader version of what’s possible.  Adjusting to the new rules of the world we’re living in can be difficult, but we can’t just go saying we found Bigfoot in our backyard.  Although I have been finding these footprints near my herb garden--

DANIELLE:  Don’t you think the existence of aliens and superheroes is stranger than the idea that there might be an Afterlife?

LOUISE:  Yes, but we won’t have access to it.  It’ll be like that room in the basement my husband keeps locked at all times.

DANIELLE:  Louise--

LOUISE:  Although hopefully Heaven won’t be as noisy.  The sounds that come out of that room--

DANIELLE:  The fact that you’re not even willing to entertain this one idea--

LOUISE:  Danielle, can’t you see what this sort of thing could lead to?  Oh sorry, I can’t come into work today, I saw a ghost.  Oh sorry, Marge, I can’t make the birthday party, I saw a leprechaun.  Forgot all about my taxes, Uncle Sam, the Babadook had me pre-occupied!

DANIELLE:  Nevertheless--

LOUISE:  And for the record, I do plan on going back to work, just as soon as the injury I sustained running from the aliens heals.

DANIELLE:  I thought you hurt your foot during that 5k for alopecia?

LOUISE:  Yes, but it flared up again during the alien attack.

DANIELLE:  Louise, I think we have to accept the fact that there really just isn’t going to be much we can choose not to believe in anymore.

LOUISE:  Well, that’s terrible!  I can’t believe in everything!  I’m not a Unitarian. I’m a Catholic.  We pick and choose what sounds good to us.

DANIELLE:  I don’t see what choice you have.

LOUISE:  How am I going to explain this to my children?  Guess what kids?  Turns out anything you’ve ever imagined is real.  I know Mommy told you the Boogeyman doesn’t exist, but it turns out I was wrong.  Good luck getting to sleep at night.

DANIELLE:  I think it’s sort of wonderful.  We get to believe in all sorts of things now.  It makes for a much more exciting world.

LOUISE:  No matter what world we’re living in, the fact is, reality-bending events are still going to be few and far between, which is why you did not see a ghost.  We can have aliens and superheroes or we can have ghosts, but we can’t have all three, and we already have two, so that’s enough.  Do you want more coffee?

DANIELLE:  I know what I saw, Louise.

LOUISE:  You have terrible eyes, Danielle.  You’ve been sitting here for an hour and you haven’t even mentioned my new haircut.

DANIELLE:  Maybe one day you’ll see a ghost.

LOUISE:  Well, you’d better hope I don’t, because I can only take so much, and ghosts would put me right over the top.  And you don’t want to see me go over the top, Danielle. It is not pretty. It is anything but pretty.

DANIELLE:  Well, all right then.

LOUISE:  Let’s just change the subject.

DANIELLE:  All right.

LOUISE:  Did I tell you Daisy got a new pet?

DANIELLE:  Oh, how nice.  What is it?

LOUISE:  An elf.

    (A beat.)

LOUISE:  Don’t. Say.  A word.

    The End