If You Look at the Black Hole

If you look at the black hole

Slightly to the left

Of the darkest spot

Which is every spot

Is the name of your mortal enemy

The name will be spelled out backwards

So you’ll have to get a mirror

And then a magnifying glass

Because the name will be very small

And your vision is not what it used to be

When you were younger

And constantly hunting

For the source of your aggression

Time has scaled back your fury

And now you worry about your teeth
And your hairline

And that clicking noise your elbow makes

Every time you pick something up

But now you’ve been rekindled

The darkest spot

Has revealed the name

And next to the darkest spot

Is what appears to be an address

Written out in longitude and latitude

But, as you would expect, you’re not well-versed

In longitude and latitude

So you have to do some research

Before you can figure out

Where your mortal enemy is waiting for you

After reading several books

On the subject--

More than you probably needed to read

But what’s the rush, really?

And why take any chances?

And isn’t research fun?

--You figure out where your mortal enemy

Is hiding out

Or just living

No reason to assume

Hiding is what they’re doing

You’re not sure what the best way is

To travel to them

But if you stare at the black hole again

You’ll see the phone number

Of the last living travel agent

And when you call her

She’ll be able to give you a great deal

Five months from now

On the last passenger ship

That also doubles as a circus barge

Five months passes

Your daughter gets married

You have surgery on your elbow

Not for the clicking

But for something else

A family of squirrels moves into the tree

You have out in your front yard

Before you know it

It’s time to travel

To your greatest battle

Just to be safe

You look at the black hole

One more time

To see if it has anything new

To say

Sure enough
In the third darkest spot

There’s something written in Latin

And although you wish you had time

To read a book on Latin

And get a firm grasp on the language

Before deciphering the phrase

Your ship is leaving in the morning

And you have to move things along

The phrase--when translated

Reads as such

This is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done

You’re not sure why the black hole

Would have you do all this

Only to tell you

How stupid you’re being

So you assume that message is for someone else

And continue packing

For your big trip

When you arrive at the home

Of your mortal enemy

Several weeks later

Because ships seem to move slower these days

You knock on the door two times

And ring the doorbell once

Your mortal enemy answers the door

And you realize that they’re much shorter

Than you thought they would be

That thought delays you just long enough

For your mortal enemy to stick a knife

Deep into your right shoulder

The wound won’t kill you

But it does hurt a great deal

And you stagger into your mortal enemy’s house

To call an ambulance

‘The black hole sent you,’ your mortal enemy says

And you nod and try not to pass out

As you lay down on your mortal enemy’s couch

You realize that black holes

Are far more dangerous

Than you ever gave them credit for

And perhaps staring too long at one

Wasn’t the wisest idea

You’ve ever had