But She's Not Your Mother

"So?"

"So...?"

"How did it--"

"It went well."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"That's great!"

"Yeah, it was--"

"What?"

"Nothing, it was--"

"It was what?"

"Kid, it was fine.  It was all fine.  She was fine."

"She was fine?"

"Yeah."

"Oh God."

"What?"

"That's not good.  Fine is not good."

"Fine is fine."

"Fine is fine, but fine is not good."

"She was delightful.  She was lovely.  She was effervescent."

"So you had a bad time?"

"I had a wonderful time.  It was fine."

"It was a disaster."

"Who said 'disaster?'"

"What was wrong with her?"

"Nothing was wrong with her."

"Obviously something was wrong with her.  She was fine."

"The thing is..."

"...The thing is?"

"Don't you have homework?"

"This is my homework.  I'm doing a science project on the dating lives of widowers.  What's the thing?"

"The thing is--she's not, you know--"

"Smart?  Funny?  Hot?"

"Your mother."

. . . . .

"Oh."

"But she's nice."

"Yeah."

"Really nice."

"Yeah."

"But she's not your mother."

"Oh."

"Your mother was..."

"Yeah."

"So it's..."

"Hard?"

"Yeah."

"Well...I know."

"But it was fine, you know?  It was fun.  It was a fun, fine date."

"Well, I'm glad you had fun."

"I did."

"Good."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

. . . . .

"I thought--"

"Yeah?"

"I thought it would be nice.  To...set you up.  And Sarah's nice.  She's a nice girl.  And her Mom seemed nice, so--"

"Hey, kid, you don't have to--I mean, thank you, but you don't have to."

"I know, it's just...you seem...sad.  And I wanted to, I don't know, cheer you up, I guess."

"You did.  But I mean, you don't have to.  You and me, we're great.  I mean, we're okay, right?"

"Yeah, but--"

"But what?"

"Is it enough?  I mean, it's been awhile.  And, I'm not getting any younger you know.  One day I'm going to be in college, and then married, and then divorced, and then married again--"

"I'm only paying for one of those weddings."

"--And I just want you to have someone for when I'm not here anymore."

. . . . .

"You realize you're making me feel incredibly old."

"Dad, you have to think about the future."

"Yes, I will need someone here to discuss your third divorce with."

"You don't want to fall in love again?"

"Kid, I love you.  And I loved your mom.  And I loved Shelly Henderson in eighth grade."

"What happened to her?"

"She married a tattoo artist and now she looks like a road map of Toon Town."

"Seriously?"

"The point is--"

"Because that's pretty cool."

"The point is I've loved two wonderful woman and one kook in my life.  If that's all I get, I'm okay with that."

"Really?"

"Really.  Now go pick another science project.  Do something on swamps.  Those are always the ones that win."

"Okay."

. . . . .

"By the way, I'm going out with her again next week."

"You are?"

"Yeah.  We're taking you and Sarah to the movies."

"What about her not being Mom?"

"Well..."

"I guess you can't hold that against her, right?"

"You took the words right out of my mouth."