I Bet You Like My Sweat

Excuse me, madam
But I couldn't help noticing
You admiring me

And I know why

Oh, don't be ashamed
You're not the first
You won't be the last

If you're wondering where your urges are coming from
I'll let you in on a little secret

It's the sweat

I bet you like my sweat

I find that whenever I'm perspiring
Women flock to me
Like hookers to a fishnet sale

The problem is--

And this'll be a little secret
Just between you and me, Kit Kat--

I don't sweat naturally

Not anymore anyway

Not since I won that battery licking contest
At my friend's pig roast last summer

So now I have to spray myself
With a little concoction I make on my own

It's part water, part vinegar
And a big old dollop of strained macaroni water

Studies have shown
That women are aroused
By the odor of fresh cooked penne

Is that what caught the attention
Of your rather prominent nose?

Oh, don't worry, baby
I love a good schnozz

Means all my work is gonna be rewarded

So what do you say I go squirt myself a couple more times
With my sweat bottle
And then you and I can jog somewhere secluded
And show an old park bench a good time

Sound good?

Shower?

You want me to shower?

Kit Kat, that's like asking a rainbow
To wash off its colors

Can't you--

Okay, well--

I guess I'll see you around then!

...So turned on she scared herself away

That poor creature

Maybe I should have--

Hey there, baby

Smell anything you like?