"So are you happy?
"Happy?"
"Yes."
"Happy about what?"
"That we, you know, survived."
"Ohhh that. Yes, I'm very happy."
"Me too."
"Being incinerated would have been...I mean, I can't say for sure, but I don't think it would have been fun."
"I don't either."
"Sad about the humans though."
"Very sad."
"I liked the one with the arms."
"They all have arms."
"Oh right, well, I liked the one with the small arms. She was a sweetheart."
"Oh, wasn't she though?"
"You hate to see an Apocalypse take somebody like her."
"This was really an Apocalypse, wasn't it? I mean, there's NOBODY left."
"I know, they weren't fooling around this time."
"They?"
"I mean, like, the metaphorical 'they.'"
"Ah yes...'they.'"
. . . . .
"Do you think the fridge survived?"
"I'd be surprised."
"Me too."
"Very surprised."
"I would be too."
"They don't make fridges like they used to."
"Or toasters."
"Your modern fridge can't hold up against even a minor Apocalypse."
"Sad, isn't it?"
"And this one was fairly major, so--"
"Yeah, it's probably long gone."
"Poor fridge."
"Poor son-of-an-icebox."
. . . . .
"I have to say, I'm really glad there weren't as many tornados as I thought there'd be."
"Well, we're really not in a climate for tornados."
"Oh, I know, but I sort of thought all bets were off once the, you know--"
"Well, I mean, an Apocalypse doesn't change the basic rules of weather."
"Well, I would imagine that--"
"I mean if you're not next to an ocean when the Apocalypse hits, you're not going to get massive hurricanes or anything, you know?"
"Well, that's a little--"
"You just get extreme climate that specifically pertains to your location."
"Which is why we got the--"
"Yes."
"Well, I understood all that."
"Then why did you--"
"Why don't we just drop it?"
"All right."
"All right?"
"All right."
"All right."
. . . . .
"I have a rip around my side."
"Oh no! Do you?"
"Yup."
"Oh no!"
"Pretty big one too."
"How did that happen?"
"Remember when that pack of wolves came in here?"
"Oh no! They didn't!"
"One did."
"That's awful. You know what? That's really awful."
"They're really just big dogs when you get down to it."
"Big stupid dogs."
"That's why Small Arms never had dogs. She didn't want me getting damaged."
"She was a very decent human being."
"Me not getting damaged was always her top priority."
"Well, I wouldn't say--"
"The very top priority on her list. That's why no dog."
"Wasn't she also allergic?"
"Well, yes, but they have pills for that now, you know."
"Seems like a lot of trouble to have to take pills."
"Well, no more trouble than having to repair rips in perfectly attractive chairs."
"I have a few rips."
"Well, you're not as new as I am."
"Er, uh, well--"
"I mean, I was bought years after you were."
"For the girl."
"Yes."
"Specifically for the girl."
"Yes, and?"
"I was the man's chair. With the big arms."
"I didn't like him."
"Why not?"
"He never liked me. He wanted to return me."
"You weren't his style."
"I'm everyone's style."
"Not everyone has--"
"Do you know how much I cost?"
"Not much with a rip down your side."
"Are you trying to antagonize me?"
"I'm merely pointing out--"
"Look, we're all we've got left, all right? From now until the rest of the Earth explodes or until some tornados descend on us and sweep us to a better place--"
"I don't see why there couldn't be tornados when all it is is wind and--"
"I'm saying let's try to get along, all right?"
"All right."
"All right?"
"All right."
"All right."
. . . . .
"I'm going to miss having someone sit on me."
"Of course you will. That's your function. It's difficult not having a function be met."
"...Will you sit on me?"
"Did you really just ask me that?"
"It's a legitimate question."
"It is not. For one thing, I can't move. For another, I'm very heavy and awkward--that's not a critique of my design, that's just the overall nature of any chair. Finally, you're a chair and chairs don't sit on chairs. That's just sick."
"Fine."
"Are you actually upset by this?"
"I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. What am I supposed to do?"
"Relax."
"I can't."
"Recline."
"You know very well I can't hit my own button."
"Then sit there and mope for all I care, but I am not sitting on you."
"Fine."
"Fine."
. . . . .
"They were good people."
"Yes, they were."
"Very good."
"Yes, very good."
"The last time he sat on me, he seemed very happy."
"She came and sat on me and cried when she heard the news."
"He just sat."
"Well..."
"I hope we made them comfortable."
"I'm sure we did."
"I hope so."
"I'm sure we did."
No comments:
Post a Comment