A Good Match

I think she’s a great pick for you, Elijah

I think you’re--

I think you two

Are really going to hit it off

And I’m excited

For this chapter of your life

Her life

Both of your lives

She has been built

Exactly to the specifications that you--

Elijah, I hear you

I hear your--

I hear the emotion

In your voice

But we talked about the odds

Of you finding another human being

And we decided those odds--

They weren’t good

That’s why we’ve moved on

To half-cyber, half-human

Which I still think is a great option

Considering your advancing age

And the fact that you don’t want to die alone

But you still want a wife

You find attractive

Plus your price point

Which we both agreed

Was lower than normal

In terms of finding someone

More than fifty percent human

I’ve been doing this a long time

And nobody gets what they want

All the time and completely, right?

Nobody walks away going--

This is everything I thought it would be

The point is to find you someone

Who smiles when you come home

Who rolls over in bed at night to be held by you

Who makes you feel confident

That you won’t be on your deathbed

Wheezing and coughing

With nobody there to hold your hand

That’s what I can offer you with this, Elijah

This is a great match for you

I even--

Because you’re a great client

I even have her speaking Dutch, Elijah

Isn’t that fun?

I did that at no extra cost

I made sure she had the right programming

To know how to make seven different

Specialized cuisines

And you know cooking--

You know a good cook

Usually adds twenty percent

On top of the asking price

But I got it for you for nothing

So if you’re going to get in your feelings

About how human she is

I feel like I’ve bent over backwards for nothing

And I know you don’t want me to feel bad, Elijah

Because we’ve been working together a long time

You’ve been with me

Back when I was working

Only with androids

And I used to get you

All those girl-droids

At very reasonable prices

And never said anything about it

No matter what

You asked me for

And if you remember

I was telling you at the time

That we needed to find you a human wife

Because the supplies were already

Running low

And you told me that you weren’t the ‘marrying kind’

Do you remember that?

I’m not trying to--

Elijah, I’m not trying to rub your face in it

I just want to lay out the timeline

Because if you think you’re going to leave this office

With the exceptional deal

I have given you

And then fire up your reviewer later tonight

And give me a sub-par rating

Just because I couldn’t get you a full human woman

Then I think I should let you know

That I can just as easily release your purchase history

And I don’t think we--

Don’t talk to me about what’s illegal

Don’t do that

We both know legality is questionable right now

With the crime rate being what it is

So I doubt anybody will care

If my laptop with all your little proclivities on it

Gets stolen from me

And everything winds up on the social screens

Take your wife

Go home

And enjoy the rest of your life, Elijah

That’s my advice to you

If I could have done better

I would have

But at least half of her

Has the capacity to feel something

And honestly?

That’s more than the rest of us have, right?

And it’s sure as hell

Better

Than nothing