The Food Pyramid

The Food Pyramid

A Report by Me

At the bottom is macaroni

Which you have to eat every day

After school

Before you do your homework

Because you can’t concentrate

If you’re hungry

You have to have it

In the red bowl

Because if it’s not in the red bowl

Then it tastes weird

And I don’t know why

Also at the bottom is bread

But not the weird bread

Just the good bread

The good bread is just bread

And the weird bread is the one

With the little seeds and stuff on it

That I don’t like

Because I’m not a bird

After the macaroni and the bread

Is the...it looks like vegetables

But I couldn’t tell

So I think it’s candy

So you have to eat candy

And macaroni every day

But first you have to have macaroni

And then you eat half as much candy

As macaroni

And that’s how the math of it is

Next to the candy is fruit

So after you eat your macaroni

And your candy

Then you eat fruit candy

Like licorice

But not black licorice

Because that’s bad for you

Because it’s not a fruit

And neither are brussel sprouts

So you shouldn’t eat those either

After the fruit is the milk and cheese

Which you have to eat more than they say

Because that’s the other part of mac and cheese

If they didn’t want you eating so much cheese

They shouldn’t make you eat so much mac

I don’t know why the Egyptians did it this way

Because it should go mac, cheese, peanut butter

Peanut butter for the bread

Jelly, which is fruit,

Candy, Chicken nuggets

And then grape juice which could go with the fruit

But your sister can’t drink that much of it

Or else she’ll wet the bed

My hypothesis is that the food pyramid

Should be a circle

Because food is a construction

And diets are all in our head

My Uncle Finn told me all that

Before he moved to Polynesia

To find himself again

I didn’t even know he was lost

Until he left

And now we don’t know where he is

So the plan didn’t go the way

We wanted it to

My diet these days is some of the stuff

On the pyramid

And Bear Bites

Which is my favorite cereal

Because every bear has its own backstory

And you can collect some of them

But my mom won’t let me

Because she says you can’t collect food

Because it’ll grow mold

But that’s okay because I’m doing mold

For my science project this year

But she says I should do swamps instead

But I don’t like swamps

Because I touched my friend’s pet frog once

And it felt like when you sweat on your back

But you can’t reach it

You can just feel it

Going down your back

So I want to do mold

But I also want to collect all the Bear Bites

And I have almost all of them

--Don’t tell my Mom--

Except for Captain Grizzly

Because he’s the hardest one to find

And my friend Steve says he has one
But he won’t show it to me

So I don’t know

If he’s telling the truth or not

But I don’t think he is

And even if he is

It doesn’t matter

Because I’ll eat Bear Bites every day if I have to

Until I get Captain Grizzly

And his backstory is that he was a ship’s captain

Until lighting struck him

And now he can swim underwater

And talk to seals

So…

That’s my project on the food pyramid

And my mom made us all snacks

But it’s kiwi on bread

And it’s not the good bread

So I don’t know if you want to eat it

But you can pick the strawberries off

Those are pretty good

I would just eat those

And in conclusion

I thank you