A Little Break

I was planning on coming home anyway

But then Rich called

And I went ‘Okay’

And then I didn’t want to come home

But where was I gonna go?

I have, like, thirty-five bucks to my name

And I can’t stay in the dorms over break

Because they’re deep-cleaning them

Or they just don’t want us there

I don’t know which it is

You can apply for some kind of waiver

But then they put you up in this off-site housing

That sounds really sketchy

So I just said ‘I’ll go home’

And Rich was relieved

Because his dad bought him a ticket

To go to Mexico for break

As, like, a birthday gift

Even though his birthday isn’t until September

‘You think my Dad knows when my birthday is?’

He’s lucky

He got the rich dad

I got the one that calls me at four am

Asking me if I’m being followed

By a guy in a red hat

Lately I’ve just been sending it

Right to voicemail

And I’m wondering when

We’re ever going to speak to each other again

Mom’s been laid up in bed

And Rich didn’t want to leave her alone

Plus he knows he’s shit at taking care of anything

That’s always been my job

I can get her to eat and shower

But I can’t get her to do much more than that

And on a good day

She manages to tell me

What she wants from McDonald’s

And I run and grab it

With a credit card that’s almost maxed out

When I ask her how she lost this job

She tells me the economy fucking sucks right now

Which, you know, isn’t true

But if Mom even knows who the President is

I’d be very surprised

She spent the eighties partying

Dragging me and Rich from town-to-town
Guy to guy

Said she was home-schooling us

But all that meant was she’d drop us off

In a library

Every morning

And come back a few hours later

Asking us what we’d learned

I liked to read

Rich didn’t

So he would wait until she took off

Then leave and go walking around the city

All by himself

It’s a miracle he wasn’t kidnapped

But I guess nobody gives a fuck

About kids

If their own parents don’t give a fuck

About them

I give Mom her lunch

Two cheeseburgers and a small fry

With a Diet Coke

Then I take my usual place on the couch

And put on MTV

Seeing all the kids my age on spring break

Should probably depress me

But I’d be lying to myself

If I said I could see me out there

On a beach

Drinking

Not having a care in the world

There aren’t enough substances

On the planet

To make me forget

Who I am

So I might as well just remember

And deal with remembering

I look for Rich while the music plays

And the camera scans the crowd

But come to find out

He got a stomach bug the first day he got to Mexico

And spent most of the trip

Attached to a toilet

At his hotel

When this week is over

I’ll go back to school

And put back on the mask

I’ve been working on

Ever since I left home

Rich goes somewhere local

So Mom will become his part-time problem again

Until she gets a job at a nursing home

And ends up being really fucking good at it

To the surprise of everybody
But especially her

Pretty soon, she’s dating a nice guy

And living in a nice place

And weeks like the one

Where I had to hold the cup of soda

Up to her lips

And beg her to drink

While MTV played in the living room

Are like something

That happened to the family next door

But not to us

Never to us

Sometimes you want to remember

Those moments

Just so you can feel lucky

You’re not there anymore

But sometimes when you do

Instead of feeling lucky

You feel shame

For ever having been there

In the first place

That’s why it’s risky

To look back

Because when you do

It never seems

Far enough

Away