What Looks Like a Boat on a Deserted Island

I’ve thought just about everything

Was a boat

I saw a piece of driftwood

Floating on the ocean

And I waved and screamed

And then eventually

Got brave

And swam out to it

And it was driftwood

And I was so upset

I nearly drowned

Not because I forgot

How to stay afloat

But because for a minute there

I lost the will to do it

Now when I see things
I see them without hope

First no hope

Then hope

But I haven’t gotten to hope

In a long, long time

I haven’t hallucinated yet

But I’m looking forward to it

I’d love to see one of those little bars spring up

An oasis

A place in the middle of the trees

Where there are people

And cocktails
And conversation

I don’t care if none of it’s real

It would just be nice to know

My brain is trying to protect itself

Or keep me entertained

The other day

A dolphin came up
Out of the water

And I thought it was a submarine

But I didn’t hope

And so when it turned out

To be a dolphin

I was just happy

That it was a dolphin

Then a shark sprung up

And ate the dolphin

And then a whale came up

And ate the shark

And then the whale wound up beached

On the sand

And I ate it

Over the course of a few days

Before the rest of it rotted

Under the Pacific sun

I had a fire

And it tasted like cod

My dad used to make cod

And cheeseburgers

And he liked making cheesecake

And I don’t know why

I don’t know why cheesecake

My mother didn’t make anything

But she would let us eat

Whatever we wanted

And she was the one

Who taught us

How to swim

The other day I thought of my mom

And tried to draw her picture

In the sand

But it just looked like sand

My mother was a very permanent person

And that’s probably why

She doesn’t lend herself to being granular

An hour ago

Something that looked like a boat

Was on the horizon

And it still looked like a boat
Even as it got closer

And closer

Finally, it made it to the beach

And I walked up to it

And it was empty

But it was still...a boat

I got in the boat

I got out

I didn’t trust it

I didn’t trust--

I didn’t hope

For it to be

What it was

Because so many other things

Had looked like boats

That weren’t

And if you get in a boat

And it’s not a boat

And you take it out

Onto the ocean

You’ll drown

Because you think you’re in a boat

You think you’re held up

And you’re not

You’re not held up by anything

But your own delusional

So I got out of the boat

And I pushed it

Into the water

And pushed it again and again

Until it was back on the water

And that night

I went to sleep

And when I woke up
The boat was gone

Was it ever really there?

I don’t know

But the picture of my mother

In the sand

Looked a little more like my mother

Than it had the day before

Isn’t that strange?

I find it very

Strange