Nebraska

He was nice

Until he wasn’t

I had a piece of candy

In my hand

And he told me

To hand it over

We were young

This was when we were kids

And we were friends

We played together

He told me to hand over

The piece of candy

And I didn’t feel like it

It was my last piece

But something in me

Said to just give it to him

So that’s what I did

Now I think about it

What it was in me

That backed down

That day

I wasn’t one to back down from fights

I had two older brothers

And an older sister

Who was tougher

Than the other two combined

And if you wanted anything in my house

You had to put up your fists

And wrestle for it

I fought for way less in my life

Than one piece of candy

If you can believe it

Now I let more things go

But back then

It didn’t take much

To get a shove out of me

But something said

Not to do it

And you know

I don’t know if he would have

Done something to me

Had I pushed him

But I knew he sort he was

And now I think--

Could I have straightened

His ass out?

One good beating

And maybe he would have

Turned out

A different kind of way?

Or maybe I would have been

Victim number one

On his list

Maybe he would’ve

Come back and found me

Over that piece of candy

The first guy he shot

Wouldn’t sell him a stuffed animal

That’s all it took

The older I got

The more I thought about him

And all those people he killed

And I thought about how

I should have laid into him that day

Or I thought about how lucky I was

And that made me even angrier

I’d be out at a bar

And see a guy looked like him

Next thing you know

I’m grabbing him by his shirt

And knocking him around

For no reason at all

One time I started up

With a man at this truck stop

And he pulled a knife on me

And I thought

Well, this is it

I finally picked the wrong fight

All these years later

I’m finally going to get

What’s coming to me

Then the guy wiped the spit

Off his mouth

Put his knife away

And walked

I was yelling at him

Telling him to come back
Fight me

That he was a coward

A punk

He didn’t stop walking

I went down on my knees

And cried out

Like he’d stabbed me

Deep in my gut

I felt the knife

But it was just me

And that other kind of pain

The pain you can’t work out

Because you don’t know it’s name

The trucks went by me

While I knelt there

Wheels going

Engine going

Everything going

Right on

By