1. What is an eyebrow?
2. If you lose your wallet on a baseball field, how would you find it?
3. Two triangles are having a conversation. Which one is Italian?
4. Make me believe that unicorns are real.
5. How do I know if you have a dog? Cite examples.
6. What is the most depressing part of an above-ground pool?
7. Which came first--the chicken, the egg, or the feather?
8. Define semantics.
9. What is your brother hiding?
10. Why does Chopin slap so hard?
11. Who do you think you are? Provide drawings as evidence.
12. If a kingdom full of cats existed, where would it be on a map?
13. How do you make a turtle?
14. Describe the hair color of the last person who let you down? Please do so in at least five hundred words. No using adjectives. Only verbs.
15. What's a pot-sticker?
16. What's a denouement?
17. Is Lucille Ball still funny and if not, why?
18. What do you think fourth grade is going to be like?
19. Create a new way for us to tell if you're gifted. Please be specific and number your steps.
20. Where is the most sensible place to keep cornmeal in a pantry?
21. Your father is driving to New Hampshire at 80mph. Why?
22. What happened to Anastasia? The czar's daughter, not the singer.
23. Okay, now that we've figured that out, what happened to the SINGER Anastasia?
24. If someone is parked in a handicapped spot, how many of their car windows do you have to smash before you've made your point?
25. Describe insomnia using these puppets. (You have to make the puppets first.)
26. Diego is eating spaghetti. When will he die?
27. Did you kill Diego?
28. Define alibi.
29. What's your alibi?
30. Do you think that's a good alibi. Cite your sources.
31. Turn this test into an origami buffalo.
32. Okay, now that it's a buffalo, define buffalo.
33. Un-buffalo it without wrinkling the paper. We have to reuse this. We're not made of money, you know.
34. Why aren't we made of money?
35. If we were made of money, which of our organs would be paper money and which would be made out of coins? Cite your reasoning.
36. Name every ambassador, living or dead.
37. If you could eat any book, which book would it be?
38. When people misjudge you, how long do you wait until you seduce their spouse?
39. What does seduce mean?
40. How do you know what 'seduce' means? You're only in third grade. Jesus, why would you even answer a question like that. And why are you seducing someone's spouse? You might be gifted, but that doesn't mean you can just do whatever you want.
41. There are no more staples left in the stapler. Is it still a stapler?
42. What makes the Incredible Hulk so incredible? Are there Not-So-Incredible Hulks? What are their names? Tell us where to find them. Why are you holding out on us? We're not going to hurt them. We just need to know where they are.
43. Is Stevie Nicks proud of herself?
44. What's a directive?
45. Who ordered this pizza? Rank your choices in order from least likely to most attractive.
46. Describe a Revolutionary War battle in a passive aggressive tone using aggressive body language and the puppets you made earlier.
47. Raise money for a cause using the latest iPhone and these glitter pens. Be sure to raise at least ten thousand, but we'll accept ninety-five hundred.
48. Why are your parents getting divorced? Is it because your intelligence is driving a wedge between them? Does that seem likely? Convince us that it's likely using kabuki theater.
49. What's a flapjack and how is it different from a pancake?
50. What time is it?
51. Does time matter?
52. Just how smart do you think you are?
53. Are you still taking this test?
54. If you're still taking this test, circle this line and only this line.
55. If you circled that line, why are you still here?
56. Where is here?
57. Go back to the beginning.
58. Write your name.
59. Write it again.
60. Write it again.
61. Now tell me who you think you are.
62. Write your name again.
63. Write it again.
64. Write it again.
65. Why are you still writing?
66. What do you know?
67. What do you think you know?
68. What's the difference?
69. Who told you to come here?
70. What is a gift?
71. What is a kid?
72. What are you?
73. Write your name.
74. Write it again.
75. Write it again.
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