The Ginger Club

The Gingers get together
Once a year
To discuss world domination

The election of Head Ginger
Usually happens first
And usually, and I don't mean always
But usually
Julianne Moore wins

Although lately
Everyone's been getting a little sick of her

'Is Cynthia Nixon a natural redhead,' someone asks, 'Can she be Head Ginger?'

But Cynthia Nixon, ginger or no
Never attends

Some Gingers abstain from the conference
Some even dye their hair a different color
And these Gingers are called Adam Lamberts
And they are never spoken of

Those who non-Gingers who dye their hair red
Are not allowed to attend
Even if they're married to a Ginger
Or happen to be the parent of a Ginger
And this has caused much debate

Carrot Top opens the conference every year
By showing how the stars are aligning
So that in a few years
The Gingers will be at their strongest point
According to the order
Of the Universe

The non-Ginger world knows Carrot Top
As a bad comedian
But the Gingers know
This is all a front
And that he is actually a brilliant physicist
And also a prophet

...And sometimes a bad comedian

Susan Sarrandon has tried to advocate
Assassinating Carrot Top
And Julianne Moore
And pretty much anybody
In any position of power
Within the Ginger Club

But after she physically assaulted Gillian Anderson
At the last meeting
Nobody listens to a word she says

They'd kick her out of the club
If it was at all possible to kick anybody out
But the Ginger Club is like the mafia
Or the Swedish Furniture Society

Once you're in, there's no getting out

There are speeches from Willie Nelson
And Marcia Cross

Then there's a bit of a dust-up
When somebody accuses Amy Adams
Of not being a genuine ginger
And a vote is called
To see if a follicle test
Should be conducted

The issue is voted down
But Amy knows that next year
The issue will be brought up again
And so she submits to a test anyway
And when it comes back positive for Ginger
Everyone breathes a sigh of relief
Except for Susan
Who wanted to see Amy stoned
As is the custom
If a non-Ginger is found
Amongst the Gingers

Especially a famous Ginger

After plans are made for post-domination

(Who will rule Greenland?  Carrot Top's cousin Cliff, obviously.)

The Ginger anthem is sung
And then closing business
And then all disperse
Until next year's meeting
Which will be held
At Julianne Moore's house

It's not always the most harmonious group
Of people in the world

But they try to keep their internal conflicts
Internalized

They support each other
And yet, none of them plan on moving to Greenland
Anytime soon