The Goat Gives the Silent Treatment

I really have nothing to say to you

I honestly don’t

Like, I’m seriously

Probably

Never speaking to you

Again

You have pulled the wool over my eyes

For the last time

And no, I am not speaking figuratively

They bring one young goat in here

And all of a sudden

It’s like I don’t even know you anymore

Now you’re always standing around him

Bah-ing and bah-ing

In that way you do

You think I don’t hear that?

You think that doesn’t cut me to my core?

You know what?

I can’t even talk about it

It’s like you’ve removed a part of me

In fact, why don’t you just do that?

Why don’t you just take off one of my horns?

Or my snout?

Or my love of tin?

Why don’t you just kick me in the guts

Like I did to Farmer Bob yesterday?

No!

No, don’t say anything

I don’t want to hear your lies anymore

Don’t tell me you’re just being friendly to him

Because he’s new here

You saw all the other ewes going up to him

And batting their eyes

And you just HAD to join in

You just HAD to jump on the bandwagon

God, you are such a sheep

And yes, now I am speaking figuratively

It’s because of my beard, isn’t it?

I’m getting older now

So I have a beard

And he doesn’t!

That’s why you can’t stand

To be near me anymore

Isn’t it?

Didn’t I beg the farmer to shave me?

Didn’t I tell him how baaaad I look?

Is it my fault he doesn’t pay any attention to me?

IS THAT MY FAULT?

God, you’re so shallow

To think I wanted to have a kid kid with you

I must have been out of my mind

I can’t even talk to you now

Saying one word to you would be the most pointless thing

I’ve ever done in my life

So forget it, okay?

Just forget it

We’re through

We’re over

You may as well be a cow to me now

Or a dog

Or one of those birds in the little house

Who poop out those gross white balls

You’re nothing to me now

Do you hear me?

Nothing!

. . . . .

So…

…Do you miss me?

Okay, fine

Don’t say anything

…I’ll just assume that you miss me

That’s totally normal

You shouldn’t beat yourself up

About that

. . . . .

Well, I guess I’ll see you

At feeding time

I’m glad we’re both moving on with our lives

After such an amicable break-up

That’s very healthy

By the way, if you see me

Talking to that brown horse

With the white spot on her belly

Don’t get the wrong idea

We’re just friends