The Horses Kick the Cow Out of the Book Club

Cow, I hate to have to do this
But you can't be in the Book Club anymore

It's not that we don't love having you
Well, I guess, if we're being honest
We don't love having you
Otherwise, we wouldn't be kicking you out

But we don't hate you
Not at all

Some of us would even hang out with you
Outside of the Book Club
If you weren't so stupid
And incapable of having
An intelligent conversation

The main reason we're kicking you
Out of the Book Club
Is because you don't read
The books

Well, actually
If we're being honest
That's the only reason

There really is no other reason
To kick a cow out of a book club
If she's reading the books
But you're not
You don't
You never
Read the books

Even the books you pick

We read 'Milk: A History' because you said
You thought it sounded fascinating

Eight hundred pages
About curd and udders
And when we all met for the meeting
You announced that you gave up
As soon as you got to page two

Then you started talking about your nephew
Who, we know, is a petting zoo cow

And yes, we're all very impressed
That you have a nephew
Who is a petting zoo cow


I'd imagine it's better than having a nephew
Who's going to be slaughtered
And then turned into prime--

The point is, you don't read the books
Then you want to distract those of us
Who did read the books
From talking about the books

Really, we have no choice here

Some of us were reluctant
To let a fat, smelly, brainless bovine
Into this group in the first place
But others of us said that was narrow-minded
And prejudiced

Well, I suppose those of us
Who accused others of us
Of being narrow-minded
Are now feeling pretty stupid
Aren't they, Buttercup?

Not that we wanted this Book Club
To be exclusive to horses

Just animals who are better
Than all the other animals

It just so happens
That usually means
Horses

But it could have meant you
Except it didn't
And really, it's our fault
For letting you think
That it could

Now, we all wish you the best
And perhaps if one day
One of us loses our mind
And decides to start something
You'd be better suited to
Like a Yahtzee Night
Or a Louis Pasteur Fan Club

We'll be sure to let you know

In the meantime
If you see us
Walking
Across the barnyard

Please

Don't feel pressured to say hello

We certainly won't