Is My Tazmanian Devil Being a Problem?

Yes, I’d like to order the—

What?

Oh, I’m sorry

Is my Tasmanian Devil a problem?

He’s really very sweet

I mean, as long as you don’t get anywhere near him

He’s totally fine

He did what?

Which waitress?

Oh, well

To be fair

She practically brought it on herself

I mean, if you’re not sure

Whether or not

Something is a deformed groundhog

Or a Tasmanian devil

Why on Earth would you try to pet it?

Well, I’ll be happy to replace her hand

You know, they’re doing wonderful things

With prosthetics these days

No, I will not bring Gerald outside

And frankly, I’m insulted you asked

Would you ask a mother

To bring her infant outside

And leave it in the cold

While the rest of its family

Enjoys a warm meal

In the comfort

Of a lovely albeit badly decorated

Italian restaurant?

The what?

Well, I don’t remember him going into your kitchen

But then again, once he starts spinning around

And takes on that little tornado shape

It’s hard for me to keep track of him

Two blenders, a toaster

And microwave?

I knew I should have fed him a snack

Before we left the house

Perhaps if the waitress hadn’t taken so long

To bring us our food

He wouldn’t have been famished to the point

Of wandering into your kitchen

And—if only to prevent himself from collapsing from hunger

Eating a few things

By the way, I’m appalled that you even have a microwave

In a fine dining establishment such as—

Well, what else did he—

A sous chef?

Well, how much do those go for nowadays?

Honestly, you’d think you’d put a child lock

On the kitchen door

If you don’t want this sort of thing to happen

Now I’m going to have to watch Gerald every second

In case those dirty blenders of yours

Don’t agree with him

Leave?

Yes, of course we’re leaving

Who would want to stay in a place

That doesn’t accept all kinds of families?

I suppose if I came in here

With a more socially acceptable pet

Like a dolphin or a boa constrictor

You’d be all too happy

To shower me with good service

It’s sad to see that pet prejudice

Is still alive and thriving

In people like you

Gerald, get in Mommy’s purse

We’re leaving

Oh, and just so we don’t get blamed

For anything else

I’m almost positive

That car in the parking lot

Was half-eaten

When we got here

You should really consider

Beefing up security around here

I can only imagine the sort of wackos

That must come walking in here