The Rooster Slept In

Hey hey hey!

I'm here!  I'm here!

Cocka--I'm here!

Hello?

Doodle?

What?

Hey!

Yeah, I'm here

Yeah, I know

It's nine--okay, nine fifteen--okay, well--

See, I forgot to set my clock back or ahead
Or whatever

So it still says nine fifteen so to me--

I mean, not that nine fifteen would be acceptable
Of course
I know that

But see, ten fifteen just sounds reckless

Whereas, nine fifteen
Sounds more like a simple mistake

You know, like understandable

But anyway, I'm here now so Cockadoo--

What?

Why?

Oh!

Well

Funny story

There I am in Newark

One second.

Hey Cow!

What's wrong?

You had a meeting?

About what?

No, I'm just saying--

Well, why not schedule the meeting for two instead of dawn?

Who schedules meetings at dawn?

Well, I'm sorry, but that meeting sounds a little shady to me
I'm sorry
But it does

I'm not going to apologize
For not waking you up
So you could engage
In some sort of illegal activity
With the goat

You and that goat have some weird shit going on
And I, for one, am glad
That I took no part in it

Yeah, well same to you

No, I will not suck your udders
Although if you get me a box of Frosted Flakes
I may change my tune

That cow is a total mess
Whoever eats that steak one day
Is going to have the runs
For days

I'm sorry, George, what was I saying?

Oh right

So there I am in Newark
High as a kite on the 4th of July
When Bibby the Hen says to me--

'What day is it?'

And I say it's Sunday
Because I legitimately think it's Sunday
Which is when you usually like to sleep in, right?

So I say 'It's Sunday'
And Bibby goes--

'Actually I think it's Tuesday'

Now, Bibby isn't really in her right mind at this point
Keep that in mind

Because we've been doing some things
And doing some other things
And, you know what I'm talking about here?

I'm sure you do

So she's a little laid up
With a couple of unhatched eggs
Waiting to go down the chute

You following me, George?

So I say--'You crazy bitch, it's Sunday tomorrow.'
And she goes--'No, tomorrow is Tuesday'

And then I try to remember yesterday
Which is what I always do
When I'm a little cocked on the doodle
You know what I'm saying, George?

And I can't remember past that morning
Or what I THOUGHT was that morning
When Bibby and I led a protest outside the KFC headquarters

You should have gone to that, George
I really think we hit a new stage of consciousness
Right around the time
They started throwing coleslaw at us

So anyway, now I'm thinking maybe it IS Sunday
And that means I had to be up crowing
Like--

Well at this point
It was five am
So I was already kinda screwed

But I thought maybe if I could get from Newark to here
In a half hour
Then maybe it wouldn't be such a big deal

And then I started thinking about the laws
Of time and space
And how if we just put more effort
Into controlling them
Nobody would ever be late for anything
And oh sweet lamb
Can you imagine the kind of world that would be when--

Okay, so anyway
I'm a good six hours away
And roosters, I mean, we can flutter
Sort of, but flying--

I mean, I'm not useless
Like an ostrich
I do have wings

But a six-hour journey
Is still a lot
You know?

Plus I gotta drop off Bibby in Tuscon
Which is, like, really out of the way

So I end up putting her on a pick-up truck
Driven by this guy named Cliff
Who says she sure is a pretty chicken
Which, I mean, she is
But, I don't know, something about the way he said it--

Anyway, she's going to call me when she gets in

Has she called?

No?

Okay, well
I'll be concerned as soon as I'm done
Telling you the story

I hitch a bus here
And halfway there
The bus breaks down
And I get a fight with the driver
So I have to walk the rest of the way
Which was a pain
Because it was so hot
I was cooking in the sun
And, I'm not going to lie, I smelled pretty good

And that's why I'm so late

I mean, ten fifteen is--

Okay, yeah
I realize I'm two days late
AND it's ten fifteen

But I mean, if I had been on time today
Maybe you would have--

A new rooster?

WHAT?

I screw up once
And you replace me?

Okay, yeah, so
Once this month anyway!

Yeah, I realize it's only the first of the month
What's your point?

WELL SCREW YOU!

SCREW YOU AND YOUR NEW COCK!

THAT'S RIGHT
YOU HEARD ME

No, I will not be quiet!

I want the whole barnyard to know
What's going on here!

I want everyone to know
That you GOT RID OF YOUR OLD COCK
BECAUSE IT COULDN'T GET UP JUST ONCE
AND REPLACED IT WITH ONE YOU PROBABLY RIPPED OFF
FROM OLD MR. FENNER
DOWN THE STREET

WHILE YOU--

Okay, okay

So I can have my job back?

Excellent

Thank you

Oh, by the way

I'm going to need tomorrow off

It's been a rough week