A Very Important Date

I checked my pocket watch three times

And all three times

It said the same thing—

‘You’re late’

I didn’t panic

I don’t panic

I’ve been late my whole life

I was three weeks past my due date

My mother forgot she was pregnant

Or she assumed that I’d snuck out of her during the night

And went to Never Neverland or something

Either way, she started drinking

And smoking

And going on roller coasters

And then one day she was eating at a restaurant

And out I popped

Already able to walk

And form sentences

My first words were—

‘Are you going to finish that lasagna?’

I’ve always been late

But I’ve also been a fast learner

When you’re perpetually unpunctual

You have to be early

In other ways

So I talk quickly

I’m productive

I eat fast

I’m excellent at arriving somewhere

Two hours after I should have been there

Looking as if I couldn’t possibly have gotten there

Any sooner

And so I’m never chastised

For being tardy

Sometimes people even apologize to me

‘Oh dear,’ they say, ‘We’re sorry you had to rush.  It really isn’t any problem that you were meant to be here three days ago.’

They say this

Even though I can tell

That just seconds before I arrived

They were cursing me

An declaring that when I finally showed my pitiful self

They were going to let me having it!

Sometimes I wish they would

It doesn’t feel good getting away with something

Part of me thinks that perhaps I wouldn’t be so late

If someone would just tell me to stop

‘Just stop,’ I wish they’d say, ‘Just be ON TIME!’

But nobody does

And so long as they don’t

I’ll stay as I am

Now, if  you’ll excuse me

I have to run

I have no idea where I’m supposed to be

But I’m fairly certain

I should have been there

Awhile ago