Insurance

Mr. and Mrs. Broaderson

I’m looking at your insurance package right now

And frankly, I’m a little concerned

I see you have home insurance

Car insurance, life insurance

Insurance for natural disasters

Fires, tornadoes, hurricanes

Snowstorms, hail storms

And typhoons

I also see that you’ve insured

Your television, your pool

And Mrs. Broaderson’s jewelry

I’m sure all this makes you feel very secure

But I’m afraid I can see a gaping hole

That perhaps you’ve overlooked

Leprechauns, Mr. and Mrs. Broaderson

Leprechauns

Oh, I know what you’re thinking

They’re little

They’re green

They’re probably imaginary

But does that mean they’re harmless?

I’m afraid not

Studies show that over sixty percent

Of the things Americans fear the most

Are make-believe

Do you have any idea how much unicorn insurance

Gets sold every year?

Of course, that’s nothing but a scam

But leprechauns?

They’re the real deal

Now, I can’t prove they exist

Beyond a reasonable doubt

But luckily enough

We live in America

I don’t need to prove anything beyond a reasonable doubt

I just need to prove that there’s a preponderance of the evidence

That something exists or is true

And I can safely safe

That leprechauns

Probably

Could have

Maybe

Existed

At one point

Or another

Sometime

Maybe

And that means you need to think about how you’re going to protect your gold

Or the gold you may have

At some point in the future

You can’t wait until you actually have something

Before you insure it!

I told you that when I sold you

Helicopter insurance

And now, when you buy a helicopter

You’re instantly covered

And don’t you feel good about that?

I know I do

And I’d sleep much easier

Knowing that little green men

Won’t be crawling in through your window

To go rummaging around your house

Looking for treasure

Just last week, my mother-in-law

Said she was accosted by a leprechaun

On the street

So, as soon as we got her insured

We committed her

Not because I think she’s crazy

I just don’t like her very much

It’s very possible she was, in fact

Attacked by a leprechaun

Or her neighbor

Who’s rather short

And has a bad temper

Anyway!

Back to you two

I’ve put together a package

That I think is both affordable

And comprehensive

And!

If you happen to run over in a centaur

In an army tank

While delivering a pizza

You’re fully covered

See?

Don’t you feel better already?

I know I do