A Missed Call

     (SUE and NANCY on the phone.)

NANCY:  Hello?

SUE:  Nancy?

NANCY:  Hello?

SUE:  Nancy.

NANCY:  Who's this?

SUE:  Sue.

NANCY:  Who?

SUE:  Susan.

NANCY:  Sue or Susan?

SUE:  Well if you heard Sue why--

NANCY:  Hello?

SUE:  Nancy.

NANCY:  Hello?

SUE:  NANCY.

NANCY:  Sue?

SUE:  Yes.

NANCY:  What's wrong?

SUE:  You called me.

NANCY:  I did?

SUE:  Yes.  I had a missed call from you.

NANCY:  When?

SUE:  This morning.  9:38am.  I had a missed call from you.

NANCY:  Who is this?

SUE:  It's Sue.

NANCY:  Danny's Sue?

SUE:  No, I was married to Pat.

NANCY:  Oh, how is Pat?

SUE:  He died.

NANCY:  When?

SUE:  Six years ago.

NANCY:  Oh my god, that's terrible.

SUE:  I know.

NANCY:  How did he die?

SUE:  He had a thing on his lip.  I told him to go to the doctor.  He wouldn't go.  I think it was cancer.

NANCY:  That's terrible.

SUE:  Then he got hit by a bus so now I'll never know if it was cancer.

NANCY:  Well, at least he went quick.

SUE:  I don't know.  The bus wasn't going that fast when it hit him.

NANCY:  Oh.

SUE:  It wasn't even a hit.  It was more like a bump.

NANCY:  Who is this?

SUE:  Sue from church.

NANCY:  Oh, hi Sue.

SUE:  Hello.

NANCY:  What do you want?

SUE:  You called me.

NANCY:  No, you called me.

SUE:  You called ME.

NANCY:  YOU called ME.

SUE:  YOU CALLED ME.

NANCY:  When?

SUE:  This morning.  9:38am.  I have a missed call from you.

NANCY:  I never called you.

SUE:  Check your phone.  9:38am.  I have a missed called from you.

NANCY:  I'll check.

SUE:  It says 'Missed Call.'

NANCY:  I'm looking now.  (A beat.)  Well, would you look at that?

SUE:  Is it there?

NANCY:  It says I called you.

SUE:  See?

NANCY:  I don't know what the hell this phone is talking about.  I never called you.

SUE:  Maybe you butt-dialed me.

NANCY:  What?

SUE:  Butt-dialed me.

NANCY:  What?

SUE:  WITH YOUR BUTT.  YOU SAT ON YOUR PHONE WITH YOUR BUTT AND YOU CALLED ME.

NANCY:  Who is this?

SUE:  9:38AM.  I HAVE A MISSED CALL FROM YOU.

NANCY:  Well, I don't remember that.

SUE:  I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.

NANCY:  Yeah, everything's fine.  Is everything all right with you?

SUE:  Eh, I got that thing with my back.

NANCY:  Still?

SUE:  Yeah.

NANCY:  You've had that for awhile, no?

SUE:  Yeah.

NANCY:  You know who had a thing on her back?

SUE:  Who?

NANCY:  That woman Sue from church.

SUE:  That's me.

NANCY:  Who?

SUE:  Sue.  I'm Sue.

NANCY:  Oh.  What are you calling me for?

SUE:  You called me.

NANCY:  YOU CALLED ME.

SUE:  Well, I'm glad to hear everything's all right.

NANCY:  Yeah, everything's fine.  The only thing is, I can't find my phone.

SUE:  You're on your phone.

NANCY:  What?

SUE:  You're on your phone right now.

NANCY:  Oh, would you look at that?

SUE:  I do the same thing.

NANCY:  Isn't that crazy?  This whole time I've been talking to you, I've been thinking--Where the hell is my phone?

SUE:  I do the same thing.

NANCY:  Isn't that crazy?

SUE:  Well, I'll see you at church..

NANCY:  What?

SUE:  Church.  I'll see you at church.

NANCY:  Who is this again?

SUE:  Pat's wife, Sue.

NANCY:  Ohhhh hi, Sue.  How's Pat doing?

SUE:  He's great.

NANCY:  That's good.

SUE:  Just great.

NANCY:  Nice to hear from you.

SUE:  You too, Nancy.  You too.

     The End