Born Fast

I was born fast

Mom went to the hospital

And two hours later

She called my Dad at work

To say--

Sorry I didn’t call you sooner

By the way, you have a kid

He didn’t even know

She was pregnant

I’m not sure he knew

Her last name

The first thing I ever was

Was a surprise

That’s going to be me

My whole life

Surprising people

And when I moved to the city

That kind of came in handy

Because here

You make a first impression

And then you’re forgotten

Until you make

Another first impression

And without meaning to
I was just

Constantly

Making

First impressions

Usually with my speed

I talked fast

I dated fast

I loved fast

I broke up fast

I did everything--

Fast

And it never stopped

Being a surprise

That’s the weird thing

About certain kinds of people

People like me

No matter how many times

We do something

That pisses people off

Because they didn’t see it coming

They still never see it coming

And they still get pissed off

I always figure

There must be something

About being pissed off

That they just...like

I guess

Right?

Because nobody ever cuts me out

Of their life

They say they’re going to

They say they want to

They go to therapists

And talk about

Cutting me loose

But they never do

I get done what I need to get done

Quickly

And that, for some reason,

Drives everybody insane

Especially my employers

Of which I’ll have many

Because I always get paid

By the hour

And never a salary

And so being efficient never really

Works in my favor

I’ll find myself

Late in bed

At night

Not being able to sleep

Never sleeping

An hour here or there

But that’s it

And I think about

Everything I got done that day

And all the things I could have gotten done

If I was just a little bit faster

A little bit faster

Just a step quicker

Just, you know,

One more surprise in me

One more thing

Somebody didn’t see coming

I wonder how many more

I have left

That’s the charming thing

About it

When you get to the point

Of thinking--

Oh well, that’s it

I’ve seen it all now

Nothing left

And then it happens

You surprise yourself

And that’s, ugh,
I mean, at that point,

Even I get frustrated

But also--

It’s really amazing

To do that

Even to myself

It’s--

I’ll tell you one thing

I’m only a few minutes old

And that feeling

Will never

Get old