Born Dumb

I’m born an idiot

A real idiot

Not like one of those

Secretly smart idiots

A full-on numbskull

No way around it

And obviously

That’s not the luckiest

Type of person

To be in this world

Or any world

Because aliens are a thing

And you can take my word on that

The Infant Eye told me so

Not in so many words, but--

I’m not saying

I’m the dumbest person

Who ever lived

But I’m probably top ten

But, uh, here’s the catch

I’m good-looking

Like, really good-looking

So, like, for awhile

I don’t even realize

How dumb I am

And not only do I not realize

How dumb I am

I also start to think

That, like, maybe I’m smart

Because whenever I talk

People just stare at me

Like I’m saying the greatest things

They’ve ever heard in their life

So yeah, for awhile there

I think I’m pretty bright

And, uh, you know,

Nothing really supports that

Grades, I mean

Like, how I do in school

But, like, lots of geniuses

Fail in school

Or so I believe

And so I say

And people stare

So I believe myself

And I just think--

Maybe I’m too smart for school

It takes, uh, until I’m older

Much older

And, uh, my looks kind of--

Well, they disappear on me

And then it’s like

People can’t trip over themselves

Fast enough

To tell me

How dumb I am

And I’m like--

Whoa, where is this coming from?

It’s this really mean thing

People do

Where, like, when they want something from you

They’re nice

And when they don’t want it anymore

They treat you like shit

Do you know about that?
Do you know that happens?

See, like, all these things

I thought were original thoughts of mine

Turn out to be stuff

Everybody already knows

And nobody would tell me

I feel like I’ve been blind

My whole life

By the time I find out

I’m dumb

But the thing is

Sight doesn’t make you smart

You can see things

But you can’t, like, all of a sudden

Think all these smart things

Because at that point
My brain kind of is what it is

You know, it’s like how

You can teach dogs to do old stuff?

But, like, you can’t make an idiot

A genius

If you wait forty years

Before you tell him

He’s an idiot

Someone will ask me

This guy at a bar

Will ask me

Once I complain to him

About all this

If I would rather

Have been born ugly

And smart

Or, like, have it

The way it is

And I tell him--

Fuck no

At least I got to be hot

For most of my life

I mean I just wanted that

Plus, like, not being

A complete moron, you know?

It’s like how you can have your cake

And eat it too, right?

Isn’t that what they say?

I think it is

I’m pretty sure

Yeah

I’m pretty sure