Yanni

     (TANYA, JOY, and MARC are at a concert.)

TANYA:  Do you think he’s going to do ‘Nostalgia?’

JOY:  I would die.

MARC:  I hear he did it in Austria.

TANYA:  Who said that?

MARC:  Someone in that Facebook group I belong to.  You know, Yanni-nuts?

JOY:  Is that what we’re calling ourselves now?

TANYA:  I’m not calling myself a Yanni-nut.  Besides, the moderator wouldn’t let me in that group.

MARC:  He did let you in.  Then he had to kick you out, because you said ‘One Man’s Dream’ was overrated.

JOY:  Tanya!

TANYA:  I still like the song.  I just don’t think it’s his best.

MARC:  You knew that was going to be controversial.

JOY:  What is it with you and these hot takes lately?  Why can’t you just let people enjoy Yanni?

TANYA:  I want to engage with people about Yanni.  Not just fan out.

MARC:  Not everything needs to be a thinkpiece, Tanya.  Just let people like Yanni.

TANYA:  I love that people like Yanni.  I like Yanni. I love Yanni.

JOY:  Do you?  Because sometimes I really question your love for Yanni.

TANYA:  That is outrageous, Joy.

JOY:  You didn’t even go see him in Anchorage.

TANYA:  Money was tight that month.

JOY:  I sold a kidney.

TANYA:  You did?

JOY:  I would have, but it turns out I’m so unhealthy, they wouldn’t even take it.  I’m, like, dying or something.

TANYA:  Oh my god.

JOY:  Yeah, so let me love Yanni, okay?

TANYA:  I--

MARC:  I hear he’s going to do ‘Within Attraction.’

JOY:  STOP LYING.

MARC:  Dead serious.

JOY:  He never does that.

TANYA:  Why would he do that now?

MARC:  Because he’s been trying out some old songs and some new ones--

JOY:  New ones?  We’re getting NEW ONES?

MARC:  That’s what I’m hearing.

TANYA:  From the Yanninuts?

MARC:  No, from this Reddit thread I’m on--

TANYA:  Oh my god.

JOY:  It could be true, Tanya.

TANYA:  He’s just going to do ‘Love Is All’ and ‘The Storm’ and call it a night.

MARC:  Why do you insist on ruining everything?

TANYA:  I just like to go in expecting, you know, nothing crazy--that way I’m always satisifed.

JOY:  I hope he does ‘For All Seasons.’

    (A beat.)

MARC:  Well, I mean, THAT’S never going to happen.

JOY:  Why not?

TANYA:  Joy, come on--

JOY:  Why wouldn’t he do it?

MARC:  He’s never done it.

JOY:  You’re saying he’s doing--

MARC:  Yeah, songs that he--but that song--

JOY:  He could do it.

TANYA:  I think you just like all his most obscure stuff.

JOY:  It’s not obscure.  People know about it.

MARC:  We only know about it, because you’re always talking about it.

JOY:  Because it’s his best song.

TANYA:  And I’m the one with hot takes?

JOY:  There are articles about it.

MARC:  There are articles about everything.

JOY:  It’s his best song.

TANYA:  It’s not his best--

JOY:  WHY DON’T YOU JUST SCREW OFF, TANYA?

MARC/TANYA:  Whoa!/Hey!

MARC:  That is not how we talk at a Yanni concert, Joy.

JOY:  I...I know.

MARC:  That may be okay at other concerts--

JOY:  I know, Marc.

MARC:  But here we keep it--

JOY:  Mellow.  I know. We keep it mellow.

TANYA:  You did the same thing at the Sade concert.

JOY:  That’s because that guy kept singing along and it was killing my vibe.

TANYA:  You pushed him down the stairs.

JOY:  HE PUSHED MY VIBE DOWN THE STAIRS.

MARC:  Maybe we should meditate.

TANYA:  I already meditated twice today.  I don’t want to overdo it.

JOY:  I’ll just try to breathe more.  My doctor says I only breathe twice an hour, and she really wants me to at least triple that by the end of the weekend.

MARC:  Just let the music breathe for you.

JOY:  That was my plan, but my doctor says that’s not real breathing.

TANYA:  You need a new doctor.

JOY:  I know.

TANYA:  My boss almost didn’t give me the time off to come here.

JOY:  Even after you agreed to work and not go to Anchorage?

TANYA:  Yeah, she doesn’t appreciate anything.

MARC:  We should all just work for Yanni.

JOY:  We should.

TANYA:  We get him.

JOY:  We get him more than anyone.

MARC:  But, like, in a healthy way.

TANYA:  Yeah.

JOY:  I JUST LOVE HIM THAT’S ALL.

MARC:  I heard he did ‘The Rain Must Fall’ in Toledo.

TANYA:  I heard that too.

MARC:  From where?

TANYA:  There was a video.

MARC:  An illegal video?  You watched an illegal video of our Yanni?

TANYA:  I was curious.

MARC:  Joy, do you believe this?

JOY:  I mean, as long as it’s there--

MARC:  You watched it too?

JOY:  I’m sorry!

MARC:  What’s next?  Are you going to film the concert?

TANYA:  Come on, you know we would never.

JOY:  But if someone else does it--

MARC:  I can’t stand next to you.  It’s decided.

TANYA:  But where are you going to go?

MARC:  Just to, you know, one of the, uh, empty, uh, seats.

JOY/TANYA:  Lots of those./Right.

MARC:  I think we all just need to have our own individual Yanni experiences this time around, you know?

TANYA:  Sure.

JOY:  That’s fine.

     (A beat.)

TANYA:  But if he does ‘Standing in Motion’ we’re all going to hug during it, right?

JOY:  Um, yeah!

MARC:  That would be--I mean, how could we not?

TANYA:  It’s a song about embrace.

JOY:  I hope he does it.

MARC:  I hope he plays and plays and never stops and we’re there for days.

JOY:  Marc. Uh--

(A beat.)

That is...the most beautiful thing…you ever said.

TANYA:  Yeah, Marc.  That was--music.  Pure music.

(MUSIC plays.)

The End