Bryan's Tried Cocaine

Bryan's tried cocaine
And nobody knew

Nobody knew until the reception
The wedding reception
At Tia and Kashir's wedding
That he had done it
That he had tried cocaine

Somebody mentioned somebody else
In the department
Having a problem with cocaine
And Bryan offered up
He just offered up
The information
That he, too
Had dabbled in cocaine
Once or twice
And everyone
Was
Appalled

These are not cocaine people
These are plaid sweater people
These are pro-choice people
These are John Updike people
These are travel-to-Haiti-and-take-pictures-as-they're-making-a-difference people

They're non-smokers
They're light drinkers
They're vegans, for god's sake

They are not heavy drug users
Or even infrequent drug users

Some of them have never even
Seen someone do drugs

And yet someone
Who has done cocaine
Not just a damaging drug
Not just a serious drug
But a PARTY drug

Someone like that
Has gotten into their midst
And it completely ruined
The lesbian wedding

Afterwards, they couldn't help but think about it
About what Bryan said
And how nonchalantly he said it

'Oh, I've done cocaine before.'
'You have?'
'Oh yes.  Several times.'

Gnosh, gnosh, gnosh
On the finger foods

Cocaine?

It made them wonder
What other deviant activities
May or may not have been practiced
In the deep dark pasts
Of these people
Their friends

Perhaps Shamarr had caught an s.t.d
While she was studying Greco-Roman art
In London her last semester

Maybe Toval's leather jacket
Was real leather
Instead of pleather
As he claimed it was

Could Risi have plagiarized the essay she got published
On her trip to Morocco
And how it made her realize
That her life is empty?

What other scandals could be lurking
Underneath the photos
Of spring breaks spent at Nadya's father's cabin in Maine

Photos of Solstice dinners in the backyard
Of Cody and Kensa's house
On the East Side

Happy smiling faces, framed politely
Depicting end-of-finals cocktail parties
Sunday mornings at the Farmer's market
Indie rock group concerts
Road trips to absolutely nowhere to see absolutely nothing
Where t-shirts with Native American sayings on the back
That when translated read--

'We love dumb rich white people'

All these memories
These precious, carefully-made memories
These years of tender building
The erection of identities
And appearances

Reaching this moment
And being able to say
Not just--'This is who I am'
But I am a part of something bigger
That reflects who I am

I have friends
And my friends are me
And we share

We share everything

To have that called into question
Is enough to send everybody
To the bar

Where they will drink, and not lightly
And wish the lesbians luck and blessings
And then head up to their respective hotel rooms
Where they will have sensitive, cautious sex
That will end in tears
And confessions
And more tears

Over the next few weeks
There will be extra therapy sessions
There will be journaling
There will be endless journaling
There will be poetry-writing
There will be candle lighting
There will be yoga and chanting and religious conversion

There will be the academic equivalent
Of an emotional yard sale

And one day these people
Will slowly remove each other
From their intertwined lives

The way one might carefully remove a bandage
From a wound

And Bryan will be the first to go
Because he was, after all
The one who put a foot down
And punctured a hole in the floor of the ship

He was the one
Who put the thought
In their collective consciousness

That perhaps
No matter how perfectly
You construct
A life

A little imperfection
Always manages
To sneak by