But Ryan Gosling's Here

Honey, I hate to do this
I mean, I really
Really
Hate to do this
But, ugh
See?
See how much I hate this?
I am hating this
I am
But

I'm leaving you

No, no, no, no, noooooo
It's nothing you've done
Nooooo, no, not at--well--no
I mean, yeah, no

It's Ryan, honey
I'm leaving you for Ryan

Ryan Gosling's here

He just showed up
And asked if I would leave you for him
And, of course
I said 'Yes'

I mean, who wouldn't?

Sweetheart, don't feel bad

There are certain things
That a marriage
Is just not expected to withstand

And Ryan Gosling is one of them

No, I have no idea why he's here
Or why he wants to be with me

You don't question Ryan Gosling, sweetheart
You just go with him
And do as he says

I mean, what are my options here?

NOT to leave you for Ryan Gosling?

I'm supposed to turn down RYAN GOSLING?

Does that make sense to you, darling?
Because it--hahahaha--it sure doesn't sound right to me

Hahahahaha I'm going to go now

But this marriage has really been fun

The past eight years
Were really...fun
But we both need to move on
And start new chapters
In both our lives

You need to learn to live without me
And I need to start having sex
With a gorgeous movie star

I think this is really for the best

Good-bye darling

I know a small part of you
May hate me

But ask yourself this question:

What would you do
If you were me?

Exactly, darling

Exactly