Muriel Faces the Wall

Mother, before you say anything
I just want you to know
That I'm already punishing myself
For my indiscretion

What did I do?

Does it really matter, Mother?

The point is
Actions have consequences
And so I must suffer the consequences
Of my foolish, foolish actions

Oh, I know this may seem harsh to you, Mother
But how else can you guarantee
That I won't do what I did again?

Mother, as I said
What I did doesn't matter
The point is that I'm being reprimanded before it
And as soon as I feel significantly sorry
I will be allowed to stop facing this wall
And carry on with my life
With a new understanding
About what is and isn't appropriate

And even though I feel
That I was not entirely wrong
In doing what I did
What I did, again, not being at all pertinent
To this discussion

The issue is that you would probably feel it was wrong
If you knew what it was I did
Which you won't
Because it's being handled
It's all being handled, Mother

And aren't you--and I'm not trying to play my own cello here
But aren't you glad you have a daughter
Who takes disciplining into her own hands?
So that you can worry about more pressing matters
Like the fact that the top you're wearing isn't properly ironed
Or that this wallpaper is incredibly tacky

I admit, I never noticed it before
But now that it's mere centimeters from my face--

Call my teacher?

Oh Mother, there's really no reason to do that
Why drag another innocent person
Into this unfortunate, unfortunate--yet private
Family matter?

The deed is done
The shame has been felt
And felt deeply
And now I'm facing the wall

It's almost poetic
Wouldn't you say, Mother?

You know, I'm actually starting to enjoy this
This feeling of redemption that's washing over me
As I face this wall

That, or perhaps I'm a masochist

What's that, Mother?

Your head hurts?

I would gladly offer you an aspirin
But I'm afraid I'm a little busy
What with all this child-rearing and I--

Go play?

Are you sure?

But you don't even know what I--

Oh well, I guess I have learned my lesson

I promise I'll never do it again
At least, not the same way
And not until I make sure the person who ratted me out
Pays severely for it

And please, Mother
Don't torment yourself
Over making me face the wall
For all four of those grueling minutes

I know you're doing the best you can as a parent
And one day I'll thank you for it

In the meantime, please remember
That my resentment for you
Is merely a child's resentment
And with time, it will pass

Now, if you'll excuse me
I'm going to go reflect on what I've learned
And come up with less barbaric ways of disciplining myself
When I err again, as I'm sure I will

I am mostly human, after all

Courage, Mother, courage
Nobody ever said
Raising kids was easy