Paulina's Summer Resort

Greetings horny people!

Welcome, welcome

To Paulina’s

Summer Sexy Resort

Home of Dirty Pig Men

And Women Who Make Choices

That Might Be Bad

But Who Can Say

We don’t put all that on the sign

Because Americans charge

By the letter

Greedy capitalist flukava’s

But is no worry to me

Because we have beaches

And pools

And seaweed treatment

Using seaweed

From non-polluted part of sea

So no more rashes

And one-star reviews on Yelp

The spa will also use the wax

To clean up booshnita

If young, ambitious woman

Like that for herself

But no pressure

Is new age

No more judgmental Paulina

Just happy resort-owner

Who looks the other way

When ladies putting their

Bosnova’s in faces

Of men

And shake shake shake

Like how interrogator does

To neck of Moscow dissident

Paulina used to own porn palace

But is era of terror

For perverts and gonzos

So there goes half of Paulina’s

Customer base

This means pivot for business narrative

And new professional growth opportunities

Plus loan with low interest rate

That I was able to acquire after reminding

A certain Commander-in-Chief

That I have video of him

Doing things on mini-golf course

In St. Petersburg

That should never see light of day

Now here I am!

Owner of fifth most popular vacation spot

In Southwest Louisiana

Number of possum attacks

Down to four a day

Does not get snazzier than this

I can assure you

Plus--is summertime

Which means students

From universities

Giving each other

All the various minor diseases

That Paulina can then cure

For a fee

In my newly renovated

Antibiotic-over-the-counter room

Here in America

Your doctors so stingy

With medicines

Back home

You get sick

They give your morphine first

Ask questions later

This why we all so happy

Even though temperature

Never goes above

Negative twenty

These students, I tell you

They keep me young

Because they stay so drunk

They confuse Paulina

For college RA
Always yelling at them

For heating up fish sticks

In hotel microwave

RA must stand for

Rarely Amused

Because I am always frowning

At these boys from place called Frat

Always smooshing their pinunu’s

Up against my lobby windows

But nobody said

Running business would be easy

At least here

When you operate beachfront property

You no required to host annual

Sandcastle Competition

To see who can make one

Look just like Putin’s Summer Castle

All we do is wet t-shirt contest

But because Paulina running

Classy establishment

We use wool sweaters

Instead of t-shirts

And you get it wet

By sweating through it

Is so sexy

I cannot stand it

Neither can anyone else

Which is why attendance

Has been so poor

At last four contests

Sexuality is so complicated

But lucky for Paulina

Excessive alcohol intake

Is still as American as

Apple pie and compromised electoral system

Nostrovia!

I make more money on booze

Then I ever made on sex toys

So I put bars everywhere

On beach

Next to pool

In bathrooms

You want vodka

Next to your toosh-poosh?

You got it!

We all need escape

From daily lives

Of horror

And no good news

And pictures of pinunus

Nobody asked for

Is nice to sit by water

Stare off at horizon

And wonder how long

Before hot hot planet

Gives us all

To the waves

Is so morbid

Just like how Grandmama

Liked all her vacations

She’d sometimes look at me

And say--

‘Paulinita, who needs to be relaxed

When you can be depressed’

No worries

I have happy pills

Next to the antibiotics

In my over-the-counter room

Pills everywhere

And nice marble counter

From which to put

Them over

Trust me

Is very sexy