Movies I Keep Meaning to Watch

I keep meaning to watch

Casablanca

But, uh, I just--

I just never get around to it

I have--

I have this list of movies
I keep meaning to watch, but--

But I put one on

And I can’t do it

I turn it off

It’s too much

The idea of starting a movie

Knowing

There are seventy other movies

I’m not watching

That I--

That I’ll probably never get around

To watching

So I turn off the movie

And I put on something stupid

Something I can fall asleep to

Because I don’t know how to start

And that’s the problem

That’s what I can’t seem

To get over

The fact that I can’t start anything

Without thinking about

The million other things

I started and never finished

Or the two million things

I’m never going to start at all

I keep getting hung up

On the things I”m not doing

So I don’t do anything at all

My mom, she used to--

She used to get dressed

And just sit

And wait

And the guys--

The guys would come

To take her on dates

Because she was--

My mom was beautiful

But she’d sit on the bed

And let them sit in their cars

And she wouldn’t go anywhere

They’d eventually drive away

Or I’d have to go out and tell them

That my mom wasn’t coming out

I’d apologize

But I couldn’t explain it

I couldn’t explain

Why she was

The way she was

And I always--

I hoped I’d be able to explain it

When it was me sitting there

With somebody waiting on me

But I can’t

I can’t explain anything

Not about me

Not about my mother

Not about why I have stacks and stacks of books I won’t read

And shopping lists of things I won’t buy

And recipes for meals I’ll never make

But I keep buying the books

And making the lists

And taking photos of the recipes

I keep planning to be somebody

And all I have for it

Are plans

But a movie?

I should be able to watch

A stupid movie

Without having to make, uh…

Without having to make

So much of it

I should be able

To do one thing

Without it being something

Other than the--the--the--

The thing you’re doing

I should be able

To relax

But just--

Just thinking about that

Just thinking about relaxing

It’s too much

It’s just…

It’s all too much