Children and Robots

Of course we knew

There might be some issues

With letting the robots

Raise the children

But what was the alternative?

Daycare now costs more

Than housing a pony

And neither Chet nor I

Have any extended family

So what were our options?

They have these robots

Expressly for the purpose

Of watching small children

And yes, we would have loved

For our children to not be part of

The first generation

Raised by robots, but time

Was not on our side
In this instance

And

AND

There had been zero instances

Of child harm or abuse

Regarding the robots

The worst thing that had happened

In the two years since Sitterbots were created

Was that one of them malfunctioned

And only spoke to the child in French

So the baby grew up bilingual!

Even the mistakes ended up

Being pluses

We assumed that if anything bad happened

It would of the violent nature

It never occurred to us that…

That we would wind up with children

Who are--

Well, Tonic is seventeen now

And California is fifteen

And they’re both

Well…

They’re soulless

They have…

They have absolutely no soul

Whatsoever

They’re not evil, it’s not that

They just don’t have any empathy

Which, I suppose, would make them sociopaths,

Except even sociopaths have the ability

To fake being human

Whereas they seem incapable

Or unwilling

To even put on a show of it

You might think it was natural

For something like this to happen

But our children only spent

A few hours a day

Four days a week

With the Sitterbots

Chet even took Friday’s off

And we were with them

Every minute we weren’t working

I just don’t understand

How the robots could have had

This much of a lasting impact

And it’s not just us

Every child is exhibiting some kind of

Detachment

And appears prone to isolation

The doctors say it might not be the Sitterbots

But that it could be something the kids got

From us

Which is preposterous

What could we possibly have done

That--

Hang on

I need to respond to this email

One moment

. . . . .

Thank you

I was saying

We were very loving parents

Very attentive

Those children were never without clothes

Or food

Or affection

I--One second

. . . . .

God, I--

I’m sorry

I have to deal with this

It’s--

I’ve been going back and forth

With this guy in New Florida

Who thinks the Olsen twins

Should get to share the Presidency

And we’ve been fighting for hours

While I try to--

God, I wish there were robots

For fighting with people online, right?

That would be a game-changer

But I guess there are some things

You just have to do

Yourself