Thursday, January 23, 2020

The Stuff We Really Don’t Want to Watch But Probably Should Because It’s Socially Important

     (JEN, MANDY, and DEE are all having lunch.)

JEN:  Have you all seen Chernobyl yet?

MANDY:  Ugh, I don't want to watch that.

DEE:  Mandy!

MANDY:  What?

DEE:  It's a very important story that we all need to be aware of.

MANDY:  I'm aware of it.  I know what happened.  That's why I don't want to watch six hours of it.

JEN:  I think it's only five hours.

MANDY:  Five hours.  It took five hours for me to give birth, and I don't want to go back and watch a miniseries about that either.

DEE:  That reminds me, there's a documentary on Netflix all about the mortality rates of women who give birth in India.  You have to watch it.

MANDY:  I'm not watching that.

JEN:  I watched it last night.  So powerful.

DEE:  I was sobbing.

MANDY:  Why would I want to sob?

DEE:  Mandy, you have a responsibility.

MANDY:  To who?  The young mothers of India?

DEE:  It's about expanding your worldview.

MANDY:  I would actually like to shrink my worldview.

JEN:  I admit--it's kind of hard to watch.

DEE:  Fine.  Just watch The Bachelor and rot your mind.

MANDY:  That's what television is for.  You used to be able to turn on the tv knowing you were rotting your mind and everybody was cool with that.  Now, we have to watch twelve hours on a genocide we never knew about.

DEE:  Oooh, is that on Hulu?

JEN:  I just remembered I have to catch up on The Handmaid's Tale.

DEE:  The last episode made me so upset I vomited.  You have to watch it.

MANDY:  Not if it's going to make you vomit.

DEE:  Mandy, it is an allegory for our future, and you just want to ignore it?

MANDY:  I'm aware that things are bad, Dee.  You want me to work all day, come home, make dinner, feed the baby, and then sit down on the couch and enjoy a show about dystopia?  Am I the only one who thinks that's unreasonable?

DEE:  How is anything going to change if we all just keep closing our eyes to what's going on around us?

MANDY:  My eyes are wide open.  I read the news--on Facebook when people post about it.  I'm not ignorant.

JEN:  Did you just say Facebook?

MANDY:  Yeah.

JEN:  I watched this HBO documentary all about how Facebook is contributing to sex trafficking.

MANDY:  So should I not use Facebook?

DEE:  You would know the answer to that if you watched the documentary.

MANDY:  Tell you what, Dee--I'll watch that documentary if you want the five-part series on animal abuse that just aired on Showtime.

     (A beat.)

DEE:  I can't do that.

JEN:  Dee, it's really well done.

DEE:  Are there puppies in it?

JEN:  Well, yes, but--

DEE:  I can't do it.

MANDY:  Welcome to Bachelor Nation, Dee.

JEN:  It's very tasteful.

DEE:  I can't do it, Jen, I'm sorry.

JEN:  Then why did I watch it?

DEE:  I don't know.  Why did you?

JEN:  Because it seemed important!

DEE:  It is important, but I can't handle it!

MANDY:  And I can't handle half the stuff you two want me to watch.  UnbelievableWhen They See Us.  That show about the war veteran who loses his entire family in a rowboat accident.

DEE:  Sail Away, Sweethearts?  That destroyed me.

MANDY:  Exactly.  I don't want to be destroyed.  I'm pretty much totally destroyed just from living my life.  I don't need to be more destroyed.

JEN:  There must be a balance between stuff that emotionally bankrupts you and stuff that's just...interesting.

MANDY:  What about Marvelous Mrs. Maisel?

DEE:  Fluff.

JEN:  Westworld?

MANDY:  So tedious.

DEE:  We could just try...reading?

     (A beat.  Then, they ALL laugh.)

MANDY:  You think I can read?

JEN:  My kids know the minute I pick up a book.  As soon as I touch the cover, Matty starts screaming bloody murder.

DEE:  The other day, Nicky heard me tell my husband I might join a Book Club, and he set the spare room on fire.

MANDY:  I'm not sure I even remember how to read.

JEN:  Dan and I talked about going out to a movie the other day.

DEE:  Like in the movie theater?

JEN:  Yes!

     (More LAUGHTER.)

MANDY:  You know what?  I should just watch Chernobyl.  At least it's British, which means it's smarter than I am.  I can't afford to let my family make me any stupider.

DEE:  Lately, I can only watch reruns, because my brain isn't able to process any new information.

JEN:  I tried to go back and watch Mad Men again, but then I started thinking about how Jon Hamm's face must feel like really nice sandpaper and the next thing I knew I was asleep on the couch dreaming about being on a beach with him in Rio.

MANDY:  This is what we get for trying not to be depressed.

DEE:  That's why I say--Lean in.

JEN:  Lean all the way in.

DEE:  Mandy, tell me more about...The Bachelor.

MANDY:  Oh, well if you want to talk about depressing--

     (MANDY starts regaling DEE with recaps of Bachelor episodes.)

The End

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