The Baby Stuff

Kate, we're getting rid of one of the pacifiers

Now, we don't have to get rid of all the pacifiers
But we don't need to keep them all either

Kate, we're not going to forget that Sam used to have a pacifier

All babies have pacifiers
And all of them look the same

No, Kate, not the babies
The babies look somewhat different
I meant the pacifiers

I could go buy you a blue pacifier right now
And I guarantee that you wouldn't know the difference

What do you mean 'a mother knows?'

And a father doesn't?

Well, you're right
I don't

I don't see the difference at all

And why are we keeping the crib?

There is no room in this basement for a crib
There's barely any room for the furnace
And you promised me that once Sam went to college
We could turn this into an office for the two of us

Well honey, I'm not going to be able to get any work done
If Sam's bronzed baby teeth
Are staring at me
From the shelf over there

It's like a little mouth is reaching out to eat me
It's creepy!

Now you said we could get rid of some of the baby stuff
And so far, everything's still here

What about the mobile?

Okay, how about the stuffed animals?

The picture of him throwing up on your mother
Can we--Actually, I'd like to keep that

But some of this stuff has to go
Now honey, you're just being sentimental
And you have got to stop

Can you please?
Can you please agree to throw some of this out?

Thank you

. . . . .

What?

The baseball glove?

Nooo, we can't throw that out

Kate, we said the baby stuff
That's not baby stuff

Well, that's his Little League glove
You can't throw that out

He wore that glove for three seasons
I coached him using that glove
That glove caught over sixty-seven--

You know what?

We don't really need that office anyway