Karma, or PB&J

Mr. Boyanti, please sit down

I suppose you know why I'm here

I hope you don't mind
I helped myself to a PB&J sandwich
While I was waiting for you to arrive

I also shot your parrot

Oh don't worry
He'll live

But he won't be so quick to talk
After I'm gone

Oh don't act so surprise, Mr. Boyanti

You didn't think this was going to be a simple conversation
Between myself, a grown adult
And you, a talking pile of shit with a face that looks like an Etch-a-Sketch drawing
Now did you?

Is that what you thought?

Mr. Boyanti, I am here
Because I believe
That when you were involved in a bank heist with my grandfather
Forty-three years ago
You shot my Pappy Joe's thumb off
And then moved halfway across the country

Leaving him thumbless and in prison
Once the police followed the trail of blood and thumb parts
Back to his apartment in Scovie

Well, Mr. Boyanti
Due to the wonder of the Internet
I have found you

Should I keep calling you Mr. Boyanti
Or revert back to your real name, Mr. Boyant?

My name?

You know that was what your parrot asked me
Right before I gave her the name of my pistol here

Let's just say my name is Karma, Mr. Boyant
Does that work for you?

Mmm, this PB&J is delicious

You certainly stock your pantry
With excellent resources, Mr. Boyant

In a way, this sandwich is like me

Sweet at first, easy to bite into
But then you find me stuck to the roof of your mouth
Refusing to let go
And the sweet jelly is only helping to congeal the mess even further
And pretty soon--

GET AWAY FROM THAT PHONE, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!

Mr. Boyant, you seem scared

I realize the bank heist was nearly half a century ago
And that you're well over seventy
But that does not mean that you get a free pass
From karma

Karma doesn't care if your teeth are fake
And your prostate is bigger than your bread box

Karma only cares about what's fair

And what's fair, Mr. Boyant
Is for you to sit right here
Enjoy this PB&J sandwich I made for you
And try not to scream
When I cut your fucking thumb off

Because if you do
I'm taking more than the thumb

And if you say that's not karma
Then apparently nobody told you
That karma charges interest

Now, have a seat

I sure hope you're quieter than your bird