Snow in Hell

Hey Everybody!

Could you listen up?

I know it's Thursday
And that's usually when you all have to lug rocks up and down the hills of Eternity
While the Brimstone licks at your feet
But today...

Uh...

Well, I don't know how to say this

But...it's snowing

Yup, snowing

I'm not kidding

I just came back from the fiery gates
And there's about three inches up there

That can only mean one thing

Sarah Nobletick agreed to go with Don Strappard to the prom

I knew this day would come

When I fell from Heaven
And set this place up
The previous owner told me
The only thing I had to worry about
Was that one day a girl named Sarah Nobletick would be born

A beautiful, vivacious, popular girl

And that one day, a boy named Don Strappard would be born
An awkward, gawky, timid boy

And yet, somehow this boy might one day be able to muster up the nerve
To ask this gorgeous girl to the prom
The social event of the year at Tanner High School
And she might say yes
And in the event of that happening

It would snow in hell

Well, obviously, I wasn't all that concerned

I mean, look at the odds

So many other things were more likely to happen then that

Pigs flying
Raining frogs
Shakespeare in Love winning Best Picture...

...Well, that, but, yeah...

And when most of that stuff didn't happen
I thought, Great!

We're home free!

But then today...

I don't know what happened

When Sarah first heard that he wanted to ask her
She said--

'No chance in Hell'

And you all live down here
Do you see a chance anywhere?

Exactly!

But then he asked her
And I guess he looked sort of...puppy dog -ish
And she thought he looked sweet
And he got a rose
Which was actually a really smart move on his part
Because Sarah totally loves roses
Even though that's totally cliche
But whatever

And he gave it to her
And suddenly--

It's snowing

Which is great news for all of you

You're supposed to be burning down here
But I'd imagine it's going to be hard to keep you all burning
With snowflakes coming down on top of you
So for today
And ONLY for today
As a sort of special treat
You will be allowed...to freeze

Enjoy

And hope that Don doesn't get up the courage to kiss her
Otherwise who knows what will happen