The Reason I Took the Bus

I took the bus
Because last week my car broke down
And I had to take the bus for the day
And while I was riding it
This girl got on
That I now call Bus Girl
And she is the girl I'm meant to have sex with

I don't think we're going to get married
But we're definitely going to have sex
And maybe more than once
Depending on how cool she is with that

I couldn't really talk to her
While we were on the bus together
Because I was stuck between two guys
One of whom was eating what looked like Styrofoam filling
Out of a large cardboard box
While the other guy kept sneezing on my jacket
And mumbling something about tuberculosis

Bus Girl got off before I could talk to her
And so I had to ride the bus again
Until I found her

My car's fixed, but who needs a car
When there's an amazingly awesome Bus Girl
That you're destined to engage in fornication with?

I even wore my Jack Russell terrier shirt
To entice her with
Since that's the one
That shows off my nipple ring

Girls love that sort of thing
It's primal

Today on the bus
I sat next to a woman
Who told me that her son was born with no head
And now he's an aerobics instructor

I told her that's a job fit for a homosexual
And she agreed

It must be troublesome having a headless homosexual for a son

Especially one that's always doing jumping jacks

At one stop, I was convinced that Bus Girl got on
But it was just a guy with a puppet
That had long blonde hair

Normally I would've of gotten off at the next stop
Because that's a block from where I work
But I quit my job
When I realized
That going to work
Would prohibit me
From spontaneously running into Bus Girl again

You can always find another job
But amazing sex with a girl
That resembles an incredibly attractive puppet
Only comes along once in a lifetime

So I'll suffer the freaks on the bus
Until I see her again

Then again, she might have been a hallucination
Since it was a Thursday when I saw her
And that's when my hallucinations hit
Like how I hallucinated my car
Along with a hallucinated broken fuel pump

But on the off-chance she was real
I'm just going to sit on the bus with these weirdos
Or the bench
It might be a bench
In the park

You never can tell