If I Were There, I Would

Marjorie, what do you want me to do?

What do you want me to do, Marjorie?

Well, I can't do that from Chicago

And even if I were there
It's not like I could just put my arm up in there
And get the job done

You want somebody who knows what kind of stuff
Goes on down there

I realize you think it's a husband's job
But there's only so much I can do

At a certain point
You need to bring in a third party

I'd love to learn how to do it, Marjorie

Tell you what

I'll have someone come over
And take care of that
And while he's doing it
I'll film it
So I can do exactly what he does
The next time around

In the meantime, you need to call somebody
Because if you wait any longer
It's only going to get worse

Who knows what will start coming out of there
If you don't

Marjorier, if I were there, I would

I'd happily do it
I'd do it with a smile on my face
Right until my hand got chopped off
Or something like that

Because Marjorie, there could be sharp objects down there!

You don't know!

You just don't know!

I understand that you're looking at it right now
But that doesn't mean you can see everything

You have no idea what could be lurking down there

That's my flight

Look, sweetheart
If it's bothering you so much
Why don't you just try doing it yourself?

Just put your hand down there
And fiddle around
Until you feel a release

And then--

Oh God, Marjorie

Hahaha, sweetheart

You have to see the looks
On the faces of the people
I'm sitting near

They've been listening to this entire conversation
And they're looking at me like--

Hahaha

Oh God, that is hysterical

It's like some sort of bad French farce

Hahaha

Can you imagine?

From the sound of it
They must think we're talking about plumbing!

God, I'm so embarrassed

As if we'd spend that long talking about a clogged sink!

Hahaha

Okay, sweetheart
Time to get to work