Hi, this is my husband
His name?
Oh, I don't have any idea what his name is
It really doesn't matter
I just need you to marry us
Well, I've only known him for about--
What, honey?
Twelve hours?
Yeah, that sounds about right
You see, we got married in Reno last night
That's the thing
I absolutely refuse to get married in Reno
I was on my way to Vegas
Where I fully intended to get shitfaced
With my friend Crazy Beth
As you can imagine, Crazy Beth is rather crazy
And when I'm around her
Crazy things happen
So I did take into consideration that by Monday
I might be married to a complete stranger
But my car broke down in Reno
And I made the mistake of going into a hotel
And having a few drinks at the bar
That's when I met the mister here
And what do you know?
We're married
The thing is, I refuse to marry a stranger in Reno
That's just tacky
So I woke him up today
After I realized who he was
And what I'd done
And I picked up my car from the mechanic I found
And drove us here to Vegas
So that we could have a proper
Disgraceful wedding
Crazy Beth is in jail
So she couldn't be here today
But I have her on speakerphone
She gets a phone call, you know
And she used it for this
Isn't that sweet?
She's my maid of honor
I mean, as much as someone can be
When they're locked up
For peeing on a craps table
Hey, at least she didn't crap on the table
I mean, considering they call it a craps table
You'd have to say they were asking for it
Hmm?
Oh no, I have no intention of staying married to this man
The whole reason I came to this place
Is because you do instant annulments
And I'm going to want one of those
As soon as you're done remarrying us
Don't get me wrong
He's a lovely man
And by lovely, I mean
When I woke up next to him
He was unconscious, smelled like moldy potpourri
And was still incredibly attractive
But still, this can't last
It's one thing to get married in Vegas
After a night of drunken passion
But to get married in Reno, then remarried in Vegas
Then stay married is just not what I had in mind
I mean, I'm from Tucson for godsakes
We just don't do that sort of thing
Hmm?
Well, I suppose I do like him a little bit
He did give me gas money to get here
And he's offered to pay for Crazy Beth's bail
Although I'm not sure how much that will be
Is peeing on a craps table a felony or a misdemeanor?
Keep in mind, while she was peeing
She was singing 'Me and Bobby McGee'
So that might upgrade the crime
Love?
At first sight?
I suppose it's possible
Although when I first sighted him at the hotel bar
All I remember thinking is--
I bet that stupid guy is really good in bed.
But then again, I'm not getting any younger
And he's hot enough to make most of my girlfriends jealous
Which is mainly what I'm looking for in a partner
Hmm...
This is tricky
You've really given me a lot to think about here
This isn't the Vegas love story I was expecting
But maybe that's what makes it so perfect?
I'll tell you what
We're going to keep our Reno marriage for now
I'll bring him back to Tucson with me
Figure out what his name is
And go from there
After we bail out Crazy Beth, of course
If it doesn't work out
Then we'll come back here
And get that second wedding certificate slash annulment
Sound good?
Excellent
Now I just need to figure out
What I'm going to tell my boyfriend
When I get back home
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