You Really Need That Hat

Natalie, I'm telling you
You really need that hat

I wouldn't even walk out of this dressing room without it

Of course, the outfit works just fine as is
I just don't see why you'd settle for an A
When you can have a lovely little plus at the end of it

Do shopgirls still bring drinks to people?
Is that still done?

I thought I saw a bar behind the cash register
Was I imagining it?

Well, Natalie
The print on that dress
Is dizzying

Which is wonderful!

I mean, who doesn't love being dizzy?

I pay for the privilege
Three times a night

Hahaha...oh c'mon, laugh, Natalie
That was funny!

Oh right, you can't laugh in that
You'll blow out the seams

You know, there's no shame in being a size two, Natalie
At least now when I sneeze near you
You don't fall over

It's to know you give in
And eat a papaya every now and again

The shoes?

Oh, they're fantastic

They remind me of Genghis Kahn

Powerful, impactful, and beefy
They just scream BEEF to me Natalie
I don't know why

But you know
The whole thing falls apart
Without the hat

I know, I know
I said you didn't need it
But the more I look at it

Oh Natalie
Just get the hat

Please

It's like looking at my grandmother naked

Oh, of course, I still love her
But I'd really prefer it if she were complete

Oh, thank God

You really have made a fine choice, Natalie

I mean, that hat just makes sense to me

Perfect sense

You really need that hat, Natalie

Without it
Something just seems
Wrong