La Ronde

I made Jim let me direct La Ronde

Because he had been accused

Of being afraid of sex

When I heard that

I said ‘Jim has too much sex to be afraid of it’

He wasn’t afraid of sex

He was just afraid of putting sex onstage

So I said, ‘Jim, let me do La Ronde

I’ll show ‘em sex’

People see a sweet-looking

Woman of a certain age

And they assume

She’s all dried up

Like a corn husk

That’s why I always bullied Jim

Into letting me direct

The dirtiest shows I could find

Because when you’re in theater

And you’re old

And people start thinking

You offend easily

You’re screwed

Fucked, sorry

You’re fucked

There, now I don’t seem so sweet, do I?

That production of La Ronde

Was so hot

I think only six people saw it

And five of them walked out pregnant

I always used to say

You know a show is good

When it nearly bankrupts the theater

I didn’t realize the kind of economic shape

The theater was really in at the time

When I found out

Through the grapevine, of course

I went to Jim and apologized

For asking to do a show

I knew would tank

He said, ‘Darlin’, you did exactly what you were supposed to do

A damn good production

I don’t have any complaints’

I know a lot of people hated him

But I think, deep down

He was a good guy

With real guts, you know?

Nobody else would have put up with my shit

That’s for sure

I know you’re going to hear

Some of the actors

From the quote-unquote ‘acting company’

Bitch and moan about him

But let me tell you something

If that theater had gone under

Back in 1992

When we did La Ronde

It would have been

Because the acting was fucking awful

Not because Jim was a bad leader

You want to see a bunch of prudes?

A bunch of lazy, out-of-shape

Pretentious snobs?

Hang out in the dressing room

Before or after any show

That company may be what the Orpheus is known for

But it’s also what’s bringing it down

Jim revolutionized that place

He made it important again

And it hadn’t been that

Since it was originally founded

He let artists be artists

And he didn’t let the actors get away with shit

And that’s why they hated him

So I don’t care to hear any complaints about him

Especially not from them

All of you, however, can feel free to listen to whatever you like

But just remember this:

The last thing you should believe

Is something you hear in a theater