A Delicate Balance

I have Martin

He’s my partner

Husband

Whatever we’re calling it nowadays

We met back in 2006

When he was working as the house manager

And I was the directing A Delicate Balance

At the Orpheus Theater

Martin and I have a life

A nice life

A house

Two dogs

Three bedrooms

We go to Kansas City

Once a year

To see his family

And Baltimore every three years

To see mine

We both do theater

And we both love it

But we rarely, uh, see each other

I mean, in the context of work

And so…

Not ‘and so,’ sorry

Not ‘and so’

Um…

Martin slept with this other guy

After A Delicate Balance

This actor

He really likes actors

And as a director

That really sort of irks me

But…

But I sleep with them too

So what am I really supposed to say about that?

We are

Surrounded

By cute

Gay

Actors

All the time

And we’re human

So…we have rules

The rules keep things in check

The rules are

I can sleep with actors I’m not working with

The ‘not working with’ part

Is my rule

For myself

I am allowed to sleep with actors

And Martin is allowed to sleep with actors

And we

Are not

Allowed

To sleep

With the same actors

Because actors

Talk

So he sleeps with actors

And says ‘It’s an affair.  Don’t tell.’

And they think it’s sordid and wrong

And so they keep it secret

To keep it sordid and wrong

And I do the same with my actors

And the same thing happens

And everybody knows what’s going on

And nobody says anything

And it’s really quite fantastic

Except for the fact

That I want to kill myself

Al the time

Everday

And I’m very, very aware

That one day

We’re going to be old

God willing

Or not

And not all that pretty to look at

And we’ll still

Be surrounded

By gorgeous

Actors

And we will not have, uh, cultivated

The personality

To deal

With that

With being just…

With just being…with…

Each other

And I worry

And I don’t

Because I love him

And he loves me

But we’re never alone

Never

And we tell ourselves

That we are the way we are

And that’s because we’re passionate

And artistic

And interesting

And so, it’s okay

It’s okay to be this way

To do things this way

That it’s how we work

But one day

It will be how we don’t work

Do you see?

One day it won’t work

And we don’t think about one day

And we don’t talk about one day

We just wait for it

For the day

Things have to change

And in the meantime

We suck up

Every minute

Of now

But I can feel it

Disappearing

The now

The present

I can feel it

All

Just…

Disappearing