Henry V

He got mad because I told him

He shouldn’t play the part

He was older than me

He always thought he knew better

Whatever

It was Henry V

I mean, seriously

Up to that point

The only thing he’d ever done

Was three lines

In an acting class

Suddenly he’s playing Henry V

At an equity theater

Not that I’m Vanessa Redgrave

But I sure as fuck wouldn’t take Ophelia

If they offered it to me

At this point in my—

Okay, yeah, I probably would take it

I guess anybody would

But I wouldn’t get all offended

If somebody pointed out to me

That I probably wasn’t ready to play it

That’s just common sense

Of course I wouldn’t be ready

And he wasn’t ready either

Cara, the Artistic Director

The one who was only there for a year

She just thought he was cute

And so she makes him Henry V

And everyone’s all—

Oh, you must be so HAPPY!

For your BOYFRIEND!

And I’m all ‘Yeah, I’m whatever’s better than thrilled’

It’s not that I wasn’t supportive

But he only took that acting class

Because I was in it

And he wanted to make sure

Nobody hit on me

Then we do our showcase

And Cara comes to see it

Because someone she knows is in it

And suddenly I’m dating this acting prodigy

And he believes it!

That’s what kills me—

He

Believed

It

So he does the role

And he gets bad reviews

And everybody’s shocked

Shocked!

Because theater people sort of believe in this magic

Where no matter what happens

Everything will be okay

Because the Director, our coach, says it’s going to be

And maybe if we all clutch our pom-poms to our face

And pray really hard

People with no talent

Will suddenly become brilliant

Overnight

It doesn’t happen

There’s training

And technique

And experience

And yes, some people are just good

But for every good person

There are sixteen people who just aren’t any good

So he got bad reviews

And then just being with me

Seemed like one big ‘I told you so’

So we broke up

I just wanted to take a class, you know?

I just wanted to get a little better

I didn’t want to be Ophelia

I know I’m no Ophelia

And no rallying cry

Or pep talk

Or unconditional support

Is going to change that

About me

Or anyone

It’s not magic

It’s just theater

That’s all it is