The Play That Made Us Argue

I blame that new play

For the relationship

I have with my sister

I mean, things weren’t great

Between the two of us before

Don’t get me wrong

But that play really put us

Over the edge

It was called The Kids Remember

Or something like that

And the title should have been the tip-off

That we shouldn’t have bought tickets for it

But I thought—A little culture

A little quiet evening at the theater

Any event my sister and I could go to

That wouldn’t involve us speaking to each other

Seemed like a great idea

Ten minutes into the show

And I know it was a mistake

It’s all about these kids

And one kid remembers the mother one way

And the other kid remembers her another way

And I swear to God

It was like someone ripped the journal

Out of my eight-year-old self’s little hands

And put it all up onstage

Pretty soon I’m crying

My sister’s crying

I’m angry crying

She’s angry crying

I’m hitting her in the arm

She’s elbowing me in the ribcage

And by the end of the show

We’re both bruised

Our make-up’s all over our faces

And we’re sitting in my car

Eating burritos

Blaming each other

For past indiscretions

And who our mother liked more

‘Why would you take me to that stupid play,’

My sister kept yelling

‘I thought it would be nice for the two of us to spend time together!’

I yelled

‘Why,’ she said, ‘I hate you!’

‘Well I HATE YOU TOO!’

Then it got sort of out of hand

But I don’t want to share anything

Too personal

The point is, that play ruined

A perfectly dysfunctional relationship

I know some people treat theater like therapy

They want to go

And look at other people

Acting out their problems

Or problems worse than theirs

So they can feel better about themselves

Well, I don’t

I want to be entertained

I want to see pretty costumes

And accents I know are fake

And tap dancing

That’s what I pay for

That’s what I like

I hear that theater’s in trouble now

That they’re running out of cash

Yeah, I wonder why

You can’t emotionally traumatize people

And then expect them to come back for more

My sister and I sure as hell never went back

From that point, we stuck to movies

And Applebee’s

And we never had any problems

After that